Blah Blah Blah Blah Poop Fart Fart

Hello Blogulatees. As per usual, it's been a while.
Writing to update, writing to update, doo dah doo dah dee dee dooo.
I think that as I start to update more, which will never happen but it's always fun to say so, my writing will become more stream of consciousness style. Aka, more cluttered and clusterfucky. But that's okay, because it will never get to that point.

I'VE BEEN TO JAPAN. Which kind of sucks because, "I've never been to Asia" used to be my one good fallback "Never Have I Ever". Without that one, I've pretty much only never broken a bone and never met a German I didn't like. Took me five minutes or so to think of that second one. Was it worth it? Definitely.

So Japan was awesome. I have an entire journal of the week, but to post the whole thing up here would be ludicrous. So I won't. But I can sum it up by saying that the Japanese are all amazing and polite people and that we need to take a page out of their books and start building smaller things. Oh, and also cat cafes. We should get those. If you're wondering what that is, just google it. Or you can read this next sentence. A cat cafe is a cafe where you go to eat and also there are cats there for you to play with. Although that's not true. It's moreso a kitty playground where you can also happen to buy food and drinks. "Cafe" is used very loosely there.
Also we need more karaoke here in America.
But I had an amazing, once in a lifetime fun time there with my siblings and cousins and everybody seemed to have a great time. It was really relaxing too. I have never felt more relaxed than when I was there. The first few days back were like floating on a dainty cloud full of honey and kitten whiskers from a cat cafe.

But then I realized I needed to catch up on all the things in the world now that I was back, so I did that, was crazy busy for like two weeks, and here I am again. Posting shit.

Still don't have a new job yet. Looking real hard like a beast right now. I'm a few weeks away from quitting and just doing extra work every day to pay the bills. It totally would. Not that it pays amazingly, but there's so much out here.

Still need to go the DMV to get my California driver's license. But I'm hesitant to for a few reasons. One, I don't want to go to the DMV. Obviously. It's the worst place a person can be. And two, once I get that I will be stripped of my Marylander title, left with a dumb stinky card that says I'm a Californian. I know I'll always be from Maryland on the inside, but losing my MD license is definitely symbolic in my brain. But it must be done, sooner or later. Or else they're going to start to get real suspicious why I don't have plates on a car that I bought back in January. Eep.

Another thing I haven't done? Gone to get a massage. I bought a 29 dollar hour-long massage/stress analysis a couple weeks ago and I have only 4 months to use it!!!!!!!
I'd like to use it soon. If just for that sweet ass massage. Put the hyphen there wherever you feel like. ;)

Had an audition today. A big one. A very exciting one. I didn't want to get too excited about it before it actually came through, but the more people I told the more exciting it got. But in the end, I was well prepared, and it went alright. Not amazingly, but alright. The casting director really took me off guard by jumping into the script so fast. But I was the only one there of my type, so I felt pretty good that if they wanted my look, they would have to go with me. I'll know when I watch the episode of the show that that scene's from. I don't want to say what show yet, because I hate getting people hyped for me only to bring them, and me, down if it doesn't work out.
No point in going through all that unnecessary heartbreak.
Speaking of unnecessary heartbreak, Breaking Bad. Holy shit like whoa. Can't wait til next summer.
Also, Louie's story arc right now is amazing. It must be McDonald's, cause bah-bah-bah-bah-bah. (i'm lovin' it).

This blog post is brought to you by McDonald's. 'Have it your way' up your ass.

So send me your good luck and well wishes everybody! I hope I get it. HARD.
Because trust me, you would freak out if you got it. Hell, you'll probably freak out if I get it.

Actors Gang is going well. I'm actually putting my THET 479 credit to use. I'm running soundboard every Thursday night for their next show coming up to pay for my class. They're very strongly suggested that I put in more than 5 hours of work with them a week, when they only require me to put in 5 hours a week and we can't use hours one week for the next. Really?! Get outta here, Tim Robbins. Not gonna happen.

Can't wait until I have the time and money to take improv classes. I'm really looking forward to "finding my voice" through improv and I feel like that's when I'm really going to feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction. I mean, Actors Gang is a right direction. But improv for me definitely is a little more right.

Meanwhile, Obama and Romney. Right? Wow. Politics. I'd better check on that Absentee ballot thing so I can make sure Obama gets all my mad props this November.

Nap time before class.

Peace out ninjas!

8-05: Broke, Don't Do Shit

Hey errybody, I'm writing this post now.

This has been a very weird weekend for me.
I have been, by night mainly, doing the remount of this one-act show that I did a couple weekends ago. It's part of this festival at this local NoHo (North Ho-ville) theatre called Eclectic Theatre. They're all really cool peoples. I found the job through my regular audition source, and it was a lot of fun. Anyway, in the festival, there are 3 one-acts every weekend and the audience votes for which one is their favorite. That "favorite" moves onto the final round, which was this weekend. Now, if you're a fan of deductive reasoning, but now you will hopefully have figured out that the show I was in won our weekend, and so it got to go back up again. Which was awesome. I got to play a hyper-aggressive 8-12 (let's say 9) year old boy who's participating in a water balloon fight. It was a good time, especially because we had the gimmick of running offstage, getting soaked, and then coming back on. That's always fun.

So I was mostly just doing my show every night, and then this Sunday matinee, this weekend. But I worked a little as well. But in between was just kind of an awkward, sleepy, funky, haze. I'm going through another one of those phases where I don't really know what to do with my free time, only this time it's because I don't really feel like doing anything. I think I may have slid into another minor little funkeroo, just for this weekend (hopefully), because I'm...well, incredibly broke right now.
Had to get my roommate to really help me out with the rent this month (thanks again, Ali!) and something about not having the means to buy things when I need them really makes me feel all self-conscious and weird.
I think I get this way when I either:
A. Don't have money
B. Don't have a place to live
C. Don't have transportation

And now that I look at it all listed out like that, it would appear that I enjoy being an independent, adult person, and freak out whenever one of my "necessities" are thrown into jeopardy. Especially when I'm relying heavily on someone to supply me with either: housing, transportion, food, etc. I just feel like I'm putting upon them so much that I feel like a dirty hobo. Which I mean, don't get me wrong, I am. But I don't like to flaunt it like those other hobos.

As I'm sure my mom will most likely say upon reading this, "You'd be not go into a downwards spiral every time you don't have that much money or you're going to be depressed a LOT in your acting career". Which isn't without truth.

Now I can't get a new job until I get back from my family trip to Japan because nowhere will they hire me when I tell them, "Oh by the way, I'm going out of town for a week next week, so training is going to have to um, you know, wait." So that kind of blows, because I could really use a new job asap. I like Pinkberry now. I know many of you may say, "But JAYME, you're Facebook info says that you're 'slowly dying on the inside' at Pinkberry?!? EXPLAIN YOURSELF." I hear you, Screamy Joe.
I like my co-workers a lot more and even certain customers are rays of sunshine in my dreary, perfect life. But I just need more money. We hired two new people and the hours are like...ZLOOP. So you know what that means.
...Right?
Time for a new, better paying job!
Come on, keep up!

I'm feeling very restless and transitory right now, kind of like a bear whose gone into hibernation to wait out the winter, where the winter is this weird two week period where I can't make any advances in my career. I don't know if you noticed, but I don't like being stagnant. Dead in the water, and such. Maybe a bear isn't the right metaphor. Maybe the metaphor I'm looking for is actually a...metapod?
That's right, taking it back to the URL, baby!
For those of you who don't know, a metapod is a cocoon Pokemon who is a bad-ass cocoon. He lies dormant until he evolves into the Butterfree (which by the way, should totally be the name of the new blog I start once I become a mega movie star, because how awesome would that be). So maybe I'm just really channeling the metapod right now, awaiting my metamorphosis.

On an unrelated note, I'm reading Stephen King's book, On Writing, right now.
It's terrifying! His scariest yet!
So maybe his words will inspire me to put out more words into the universe.
Only thyme will tell.
...
It's a very potent spice.

A Busyful Mind

Hello again, world. My name is Jayme.
Just in case you have forgotten since last time.
I don't know why you would have. It's right up there at the top of the page.

I have many things on my mind currently. Some of them are old issues that I was really feeling passionate about weeks ago, so the fire inside me to speak about them may be out, and some of them are current musings on stuff brought on by alcohol.

First of all, I should probably tell you that I made the most amazing dinner tonight. A portobello mushroom and provolone burger (don't get too excited, I bought them at Ralph's) with sliced mozzarella, ketchup, and mayonnaise. Along with a side of mashed potatoes that I...wait for it...MADE FROM SCRATCH. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some of you. Maybe you've helped Grandma in the kitchen every Thanksgiving until she died, but guess what I DIDN'T so suck it. I've never made mashed potatoes from scratch before. But I looked at the contents of my fridge, I said, "I'm hungry", and I decided that mashed potatoes were on the menu. It took some finagling and lots of garlic chopping and some mashing, but it was finally done and they tasted pretty damn good. Lots of red pepper flakes, garlic (duh, I already said that), salt, pepper, mexican cheese, and sour cream. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Good thing I made so much that I'll have leftovers for the rest of time. Cause that's exactly how long I want to eat them.
And eating them conjured up such pleasant memories of my first Helen Hayes Awards, in which I was nominated, and they had a mashed potato bar pre-show. It. Was. Mouthgasmic.
Ugh. Yum. Yup, it took me right back to that night.

And I devoured all these yummy big boy treats while drinking a beer and watching episode 8 of Freaks and Geeks, a great show that everybody in the world seems to have seen and says its pretty good, so I'm finally checking it out. In this episode, the main male lead (pretty much), Sam, at one point says, "I've already got two friends. How many more friends does a guy need?!" While endearing and funny because of how naive it sounds, it really made me miss the days of being a kid. Back in the days of elementary/middle school when sometimes, you really only had one or two friends. And every day afterschool it wasn't a question of "who am I going to hang out with?" it was more, "I wonder what we're going to do today." And when the answer was: hang out at someone's house for 3/4/5 hours playing some dumb board game while trying to figure out what you're going to do. And that you only had those two friends (give or take a friend and a half or two)! I think I'm really nostalgic...or maybe just mournfully envious, of people who have a really tight clique of friends that they've been with forever. I feel like I'm naturally predisposed to just making lots of surface level friends rather than a few really good ones, who I know backwards and forwards and can share anything with. And I'm not talking about girl friends or friends who are girls. I mean like a close-knit group of GUY friends. I don't know what it was, something about that line just made me feel all, "awww. Friends." I don't know, maybe I'm crazy and aren't seeing things as they are. But there are certain people that I want to just get to know better and hang out with, but I repel from them for whatever reason. Whether I'm too scared that I'll fuck it up or whether I'm afraid they won't like me or whether I'm afraid they'll just make me feel like shit. I don't consciously think or feel these things, they just seem to be quietly poisoning me and my friendships from my subconscious out.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I'm getting tired of writing and I am looking forward to this next beer, so I'll try and keep this next talking point short-ish, if I can help it.
I had a thought the other day that I adhere too strongly to rules. I'm a perfectionist about some things in my life, and in those things, I do, I follow the rules WAY too closely. I'm a good boy. I don't really break the rules. But when it comes to things that I don't care about, I'm fucking James Dean. And it occurred to me the other day that...I've got to stop following the rules. Isn't there something out there that says, "Learn all the rules so you can break them"? Well, I've learned the rules, and I'm starting to think I need to say fuck it to the rules and just be myself. We as a species are attracted to unpredictable things. Things that are exciting because almost ANYTHING could happen around them. And it's similar in acting too. The actors who are the most interesting to watch are the ones who follow impulses night after night and don't deliver lines the same exact way every single show. I don't know if this theory I'm cooking up really applies to acting, but either way, I think I want to stop following rules, whether socially implied or directly given, more and start just doing what I feel like doing. As long as what I feel like doing doesn't hurt anybody or suck, I should be fine and dandy, right?
I'm a badass now. Get used to it.
Well, I mean I was before too, you just didn't notice because you were too DUMB.
Booya. That's the new badass Jayme. Like it? Don't care. Didn't ask if you did.
Well okay I did. But you know what else I did. TELL YOU TO SHUT UP.
When did I do that, you ask yourself, dumbly. Right now.
Shut up, silent reader!

Just kidding, I love you, SR.
Be my friend?

DOUBLE JUST KIDDING. FUCK YOU, SR. That's a dumb abbreviation, anyway!
Who gave you it, YOUR MAMMY?!
Alright, this has gone on long enough and I'm sure it is not as amusing to read as it is to write. And that last bit got a little racially charged, so it's best to nip that in the bud before it grows into a tall, mighty Racist Redwood Tree. Or "Native American"-wood Tree, as they would have you call it.

Alright then. That was stupid. Haha
Goodnight Cleveland!
Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble

An Exciting Week

Hey all! Lovely to be back. I would have been back sooner, but I didn't really want to be, so I didn't. SO SUCK ON THOSE ACORNS, WORLD.

I had an exciting week last week so I thought it would be the perfect time to do a little updatey poo. I was going to write all about it Saturday afternoons but then I started freaking out and having anxiety attacks, so I decided to put it on hold.
More on that later.

So firstly and firstmostly, I was so generously invited to attend an audition for a show that's being put up at The Actor's Gang directed by some fancy European man who I'm sure is a big-wig amongst the right people. But I didn't know him, so he will be referred to as David the Directing Frog. Now, this was a very generous thing for the Actors Gang to do, let us come audition for this show, seeing as in how we are all just a bunch of lowly actors in our first 8-week class with them, but I wasn't complaining. So I show up to audition for uproariously laugh-riot Restoration Comedy, and I walk into the theatre, and sitting on stage to audit me are 1. One of my teachers from my class 2. David the Directing Frog and 3. Tim Robbins. Now, Tim Robbins is one of the founders of the Actors Gang, and he just so happened to have sat in on a few of our classes, so he wasn't the biggest surprise. But, he is a big deal. This is Mr. Shawshank. So he still evokes a bit of "oh fuck I've got to act my best so he might take notice and take me under his wing or maybe cast me in something hahaha OH GOD PLEASE LOVE ME FAMOUS MAN." So I saunter up there, introduce myself, and stand back to get into my scene. I'm assigned my scene, and we're about to start, when I ask, "Oh, and who will I be reading with so I know who to look at?" and Tim raises his hand and says, "Me." Honestly, I didn't have time to freak out, but I freaked out plenty after the audition. But when he said that my brain just went "AHHHHHHHHHHH" for a fraction of a second, but then was over. And of course he was just having a lot of fun with the accents, because he's been there all day reading this shit. But I think it went well, I didn't feel terrible afterwards, so it was a good time. And now I can tell people I've acted with Tim Robbins. So that's fun.

Later that week, I headed out to a bar to meet up with my friend Emma, who had just turned 21. We started out at this place The Belmont Cafe where she assured me her friend Alex was going to "hook us up". Which apparently meant just telling us what things were good and saying hi to everybody he knew. Which was a lot of people, but usually when someone tells me that I'm going to be "hooked up", I expect free shit. Don't tell me you're hooking me up if you're not getting me free shit. But it was cool, because I made him pay with the promise of cash back later and TOTALLY didn't end up paying him back. HaHA! Take that, random stranger! To be real, he seemed like a sleazy douche, so I didn't feel too bad doing it. So we ended up barhopping down the Sunset strip, but before we left the Belmont Alex introduced us to his friend, a plumper, middle-aged man by the name of Kevin and his very tan girlfriend whose name I forget. Now, ordinarily I wouldn't have remembered Kevin's name either, but when we left the Belmont Alex turns to us and goes, "You know who that was? That's Chris Farley's brother. Kevin Farley." Needless to say, I had another freakout. I'd idolized Chris Farley for much of my young adult life, and seeing as in how he's dead now, seeing his brother is about the closest I can get to meeting him. It was pretty fucking cool. So when he came with us to the next bar, I knew I had to talk to him more. Unfortunately he didn't seem too interested in talking to me. He did however succeed in making me very uncomfortable at one point. He got into a conversation (somehow) with Emma about racing.
Emma: "I could beat you in a foot race."
K. Farley: "Yeah, probably. But I bet I could drink you under the table."
*beat*
K. Farley: (to me) "Because I'm an alcoholic."
*long, smile-covering-sadness smile right at me*
Jayme: "Hehehehehe...yeaaah. You are."

Needless to say, mega awkward. I still don't know whether he was kidding or not. He WAS drunk though, so I think that's a good case for "not". Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the dead brother apple. =(

WARNING: THERE ARE NO CELEBRITIES OR CELEBRITY BROTHERS IN THIS STORY.
WARNING: IT ALSO MIGHT NOT BE SO MUCH A STORY AS A COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS.
So I'm in this little one-act show at this local community theatre. It's called The Great and All Wet Water Balloon Battle. It's actually a ton of fun. All my co-actors are good actors too! It's been a good time. I play a rag-tag, war-crazy, hyper-aggressive little 12 year old who gets a lot of Braveheart-esque pre-war speeches. We actually go offstage and re-enter drenched in water too, and there's a lot of really good double-entendres with the word "wet" being used so often in the show, so I consider it a raging success! It opens this weekend and if you're reading this and you live in the United States, you should probably come see it. We can go drinking afterwards! It'll be great! We can pretend I'm getting paid to do it and that I'm a real working actor!

And finally, I'm going to Japan in mid-August to visit my cousins/visit Japan, so I'm crazy stoked for that! Granted, it's delaying my taking improv classes anywhere, but it's still going to be a one-in-a-lifetime thing, so it's going to rule. Plus I love traveling. And it'll be just me, my siblings, and my cousins. And at night, me Jordan and Roby are going to be hitting the clubs, so watch out all you Japanese nerdy dance robots, cause we're going to be dancing all up ons. If anyone's got any sweet suggestions for places or things to visit in Japan (KJ), please let me know. Also, teach me Japanese. Arigato.

Upcoming goals for the future: Write more, act more, take improv classes as soon as I get back from Japan, get a serving job so I can financially support all these things.

Once I get to a point where I'm self-reliant and have a savings account with at least some emergency dough in it, and I'm going out to auditions and taking comedy classes, I'll be living the dream and feeling easy, breezy, beautiful.
Covergirl.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyyy. Going to sleep.
OH GOD I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE CELEBRITIES AND THE JAPAN THAT I FORGOT THE BEST PART OF THE LAST WEEK. My new (old?) gfffl Emma and I are a thing!
Post about that coming up next! Too fucking late now.

THE TIME HAS COME THE WALRUS SAID.
TO GO TO FUCKING SLEEP.
Good night, moon!

A "Yes, And..." Man

A girl at my acting class tonight asked me something.
Before I say what she asked me, I should explain that at this acting class, we practice a very specific style (aptly named "The Style") wherein we exist in only 4 different emotional states on-stage. Happy, Angry, Sad, and Afraid. That's all. Now we've only had one class so far, but we've been working with those emotions A LOT, as you can probably imagine.
So, before our second class starts, she asks me, "What state is the most difficult for you?" to which I reply "Sadness" to which she followed up, "Which one is the easiest?" to which I reply "Afraid...I was a very scared little kid. Mainly because I had an older brother who loved to scare the crap out of me."

Cut to end of class. We've just spent an hour and a half doing an exercise we do nothing but move around the space in a way that is connected to the entire ensemble. Very "energy" based and "group-mindedness"-y. Now the first...hour, probably, of the exercise was a lot of trying to feel the group out and in general, sucking. But the last 15 minutes (at least, there was probably a good 15 minutes of mediocre stuff in the middle) was some really magical, connected stuff, where the group was coming together and trusting each other in ways that only friends who have known each other for years would trust each other. It was really cool. And it felt so...primal. There was chanting involved, and middle fingers towards the sky, and pounding on the ground. It got weird.
But afterwards I noticed that all these people that I barely know, people who I had really WANTED to get to know but couldn't bring myself to fluidly start conversations with (there was one 3 minute period during our break earlier that I found especially painful. I almost blurted out, "I'm so bad at making conversation! Hi, what do you guy do or where are you from or...tell me your story!" But I didn't, instead, I just kept looking up at these people, making eye contact, getting shy and looking away again in embarrassment because I had nothing to say. It was bad.) Well now I've lost the previous sentence, so here's the set-up to it again:...afterwards I noticed that all these people that I barely know, people who I had really WANTED to get to know but couldn't bring myself to fluidly start conversations with, I had this connection with them and suddenly they actually felt like friends I had but just didn't know anything about.

Now, this could easily go into a "Isn't theatre MAGICAL?!" or "The power of HUMAN CONNECTION in THEATRE", but it's not going to. Sorry, bucko, we're taking a detour.

Instead I'd like to talk about how much I (and maybe some others of you out there?) live in fear. Weird social fear that I don't understand. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But specifically and strongly around people I don't know yet.

Have you ever just finished something that you KNOW was amazing and you feel so proud of it and you're confidence peaks and you just feel like you are the best version of yourself? That's what I feel like everyone's "true self" is, to get douchey sounding for a second. It's that state where you just don't think about what you say before you say it because you know without a doubt it's the right thing to say, and if someone thinks otherwise, fuck them! That's just the way you are and those are the things your mouth and brain will produce! I feel like that's the only time when people are their real, deep down, true blue self. Now, some people live in this state all the time. Either because their confidence level is always fixed at an undeserved and irresponsibly high level or because they just don't think before they speak. Their mouth moves faster than their brain. And for some people, that's a great thing. But one of the reasons why I love alcohol is because I am one of those people whose brain is usually always planning and analyzing my speech before it is speechified, and alcohol really slows down that process and lets my mouth win the race. Which, while not always the best thing, certainly makes me feel like I'm being more "myself", without all the fears and social stigmas and imagined, fictional "awkwardness" tainting every sentence that comes out of my mouth.

More people should be nice. Anyone who judges somebody for breaking the ice and initiating conversation in a pleasant one should be shot. In the ass. With a gun. A big gun. It takes a lot of balls to be "that guy" or "that girl" who starts up a conversation with a stranger and asks them to open up while at the same time, courageously, opening up about themselves to them in an effort to get to know them.

To not shut down stupid ideas, even when you know they are stupid and awful, and instead just say, "Yes, and...". And for those of you who aren't familiar with this improv term, it basically just means that you take whatever idea the person just had, accept it immediately, and then build upon it. No denial. No judgement. Just take it, even if you think it sucks, and build upon it until you MAKE it good.

Man, this entry was a little all over the place. And I can definitely spot the spots where my brain was really trying to kick it into overdrive and produce some solid writing and the spots where my brain just flat-lined and my hands kept going with all the words.

I think the major point I wanted this to be about is: I want to be able to start conversations with strangers in my class without coming off as a weirdo. I want to be able to compliment girls (and guys!) in my class on something they did without anyone thinking that I am HITTING ON THEM. Jesus, that is really one of my biggest pet peeves and has evolved into one of my biggest social insecurities. I purposely sometimes act cold or will not compliment a member of the opposite sex specifically because I fear that she will think I'm hitting on her and tell people I'm a creeper.
I've just been the "people" girls tell that shit to too often. And every time I say, "Well, he might have just been trying to be nice to you." and it is too often met with, "No no no no no, you should have heard the way he SAID it." or "Maybe. But I don't know, he smiled way too much..."

This is a problem, people. Not just girls. Although I'm sorry I did go off on a little tirade on you at the end there...I just had to get that one off my chest because that's one of my hang-ups.
But seriously people, stop with all the judgement. We're all here and most of us just want to be nice to each other.

I just want to live in a world where I can tell people that I like the things that they do without coming off as disingenuous or a sleaze-ball.
Is that too much to ask?

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

World Peace 2012!

Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.

-Jayme's 2012 Miss America Speech

Won't You Take Me To...

Hey! I'm back! Sorry about that brief hiatus, I should have warned ya'll, Diablo III came out and my life was nothing but it for about...3 weeks. I'm still pretty hooked on it, but it's been a while since I've hopped on it, so I figured I'd better update while I'm not DEEP into it.

But it's not just D3 coming into my life alone that has resulted in my lack of updates.
No, this problem is far worse. And far less easy to pin down.

This problem is that lately I've been feeling like I hate writing. I mean, I probably don't really, but that's what I've been feeling a lot lately. I don't know what it is. But recently, I just haven't felt the need to express my thoughts to the world. I went on this website that has a comprehensive "Dream Dictionary" which analyzes the things you dream about and tells you what they might mean. According to it, I'm depressed. Which...might be true? Because I've been in a very strange non-pro-active funk lately. I don't feel like making people laugh. I don't feel like writing. I've been very anti-social. I don't know what it is exactly. I don't feel sad or anything, just tired all the time and very lethargic.

Typical Jayme that it takes depression to get me to write.
Typical Jayme writing a depression entry IMMEDIATELY after a "Life is gooood" entry.

I dreamed that I had a giant splinter that I pulled out of my hand and the dream interpretation of a splinter is "you're letting the little things in life bother you too much". Which is true, I'm doing some awesome things right now but for some reason it's not registering in my brain. I'm in a one-act play that's going to be a fun little show. I'm taking acting classes at The Actor's Gang, learning The Style, Commedia Del Arte archetypes, and emotional states, which is the most fun I've had in ages. And I shot an episode of this crime recreation show Fatal Encounters back in January that just aired last night. I watched it, and I had way more screen time than I thought I was going to have!

I have also recently stopped meditating, which might be part of the problem. Maybe it's about time to pick that shit back up again.

But my main concern with this funk is the main concern I have with EVERY funk. It's the fear that it is not a funk. It's just the new you. The new "adult" you. And he sucks. He's not funny. He's anti-social. He's tired all the time and does nothing beyond the average. Ugh, back to this mediocrity thing again?! Seriously? This is ridiculous.

I'm better than this. I have more self-control and discipline than this. I usually don't force myself to do things out of obligation if I can help it, but I'm going to start forcing myself back into meditation, exercise, and most importantly, writing. Because I feel like this whole "I can't write without social motivation!" thing I'm going through has to do with some weird "My writing's not worth reading." bullshit I'm going through. Fuck that.

It's just a funk. And I'm turning it around starting today. Because I can. Because this quote by Anna Freud (Sidmund Freud's daughter) sums it up pretty well: "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time." I've always liked that quote. I believe strongly in the power of strength and discipline from within. That's why I'm so jacked.

This entry took 2 weeks to start. Then it was saved as a draft three lines in. Then, a week later, it was finished.
It was supposed to be about how I can't write, specifically comedy sketches, without social motivation to do so.
It was going to be called "Writing On Writing", but after finishing it, that didn't seem like a correct title at all. I really liked that title too! It was perfectly in sync with my past entry, cleverly entitled "Meditations on Meditating".
Oh well. Maybe "Writing On Writing" will show up later.

So I'm going to wake up now and stop feeling so damn tired!

It's funny, because this all started when my friend Ann linked to my blog from her blog, and I thought, "Damn. My blog is not a funny blog at all. My blog is more like a swampy, messy dive into some kid's psyche." And I was all, "I should make my blog funnier! Write funny stuff for people who read it!". Now, this may or may not happen. I don't know! We'll see how I feel.

Off to meditate on writing on meditations on writing!

Nipple.

(Special thanks Joe for reminding me that people read my shit and that people notice when I go for too long without blogging.)

5-09-12

Hey everybody,

Just wanted to say a little something.

Life is gooood.

I just came to that conclusion.

Maybe it's my realization that things are nice and slow right now instead of 2 fast and 2 furious.

Maybe it's the sriracha I bought the other day and am putting on EVERYTHING.

Maybe it's because I just did a group job interview for an amazing new cafe the other day and am feeling really good
about it. It would be the best job ever. I want it. Ergo it will be mine.

Maybe it's because I'm more than likely about to go out to a gay club and get my drank on.

Maybe it's because Diablo III comes out next week.

Either way, I'm happy right now. Don't care why.

But honestly, it's probably the sriracha.

Wakka wakka wakka!

Ugh

Ugh I'm so tired of writing whiny entries. I feel like all I do is complain and spew out emotion.

I can't decide if it makes me more or less human to vent these emotions but I feel like a big whiny bag of crap who only blogs when he's depressed.

I also realize the irony that this post itself is a whiny blog post about whiny blog posts.

I just can't decide! I feel weird if I blog about my feelings and I feel weird if I don't.

I wish I had as much incentive to write stand-up material as I did to bitch about being insecure sometimes.

I feel like my posts have gotten really boring recently, too. There doesn't seem to be any incentive to entertain the reader. What say ye, reader? Are ye not entertained? If not by my skillful writing, then by my skillful truthiness?

Blarg, I say! Blarg!

Note to children: don't drink and blog.

Mediocrity

Panel 8 of this comic right here:

http://www.xkcd.com/1027/

...is my biggest fear.

And whenever I see my friends being talented it always pops up like an awful little friend.

Sometimes I worry I am not authentic.

Sometimes I worry that I am one of those people who is going to discover their "true calling" at age...like, 35.

There's no logical reason why I feel this way.

Well, I guess there is. It's mainly because I feel like I'm not as good or productive as some of my friends.

I've put them on a pedestal and for some reason can't get over it.

I don't know why I live my life so fast. Why I feel like I have to be working every second to make my life start.

I keep waiting for my life to finally start. I keep looking at this portion of my life as "chapters 5-10 of my autobiography that I write later on". Anyone else do this? Just me? Okay.

I don't know why I can't just be in the moment and enjoy where things are now.

I get worried that all the good ideas and funny things I hear in my head will never come out and will just remain trapped up there as "something to write down later". Or maybe all writers/comedians/actors feel this way at some point?

The problem is that I'm obsessed with taking "the right path" and I can't get it through my thick perfectionist skull that there is no "right path". Whatever path you choose to take is the right path for you.

It's difficult to relax when you know you should be working. And it's difficult to work when you want to relax so badly. Ugh it's such a Catch 22. Like the book.

Twist ending: I've been drinking!
Double twist: I'm not feeling bad right now! I'm never going to give up acting/comedizing in the world so I know it's going to happen for me someday. But I don't want to be a sell-out when it happens and I want it to happen sooner rather than later. And I want it to be BIG AND LOUD, not mediocre and soft. I don't want to be 45 years old and people are JUST starting to hear about me because I played a silly character in some movie starring a comedic actor half my age. Is that wrong? If I want that to happen I should probably start writing some of my comedy down. You know, maybe putting it into sketch or stand-up comedy form. I hear that's generally how comedians like to operate.

In all honesty, I don't know what I would do in life if it weren't acting or comedy, I'm just a little miffed right now because I'm not doing enough of either and it's making me antsy. All will be well.

Shout out to all my homies who got the Cats Don't Dance reference earlier. If you didn't, I'm sorry. You failed.

(Oh and today I sent out headshots/resumes to agencies (FINALLY) and auditioned for some Disney thing rather than work. Oh and interviewed for an AMAZING new cafe for a server position. Turns out the only thing they require is a bitching personality, which we all know I have, so I'm as good as in. Huzzah! Life is good but way bigger and way more gob-smacking than this Maryland boy was ready for. But now he is. So fuck you United States. You're next.)

5-06-12

Hey hey ya'll. Well I had a fun little weekend. I've had a lot of days off lately, and that's been awesome.

This weekend was a fun one. Starting with Friday I went to a callback for the fine folks at JG Wentworth (877-cash now!) for the role of Struggling Benchpresser. I just hope they don't think I'm too jacked for it.

Shut up.

It's a serious concern of mine.

But I met Jack Black and Russell Brand there, which was fun. Only later did I find out that they were not in fact Jack Black or Russell Brand, only mere impersonators. But they turned out to be cool chill broskis so we all exchanged information and friended each other on the facebooks. Networking networking networking, baby! I hate it because it forces me to be social with people I don't know. But I like it because it forces me to be social with people I don't know. I think Russell is going to get it. His benchpresser gym outfit was just too spot on. Plus he was super doofy looking, and I think that's what they wanted.

Then I went and recorded my first legit rap song. More on that later when we shoot the video for it...
But it was a major disappointment when I google'd the rap name I was going to go by (DJ Tanner (like from Full House)) and found out that there already is a well established dj in New York who already thought of this somewhat clever pun.
DAMN YOU DJ TANNER FROM FULL HOUSE FROM NEW YORK!
Sokay. I'll just have to think of a new one.

That night I went out to a bar in West Hollywood for the first time in a while for this girl Bri's bri-thday. Which was...well, pretty lackluster actually. Drank a PBR (I'm broke and can afford nothing else) and then just took silly pictures with my boys until we decided to leave. Went at Chic-Fil-A at one that was open til 3 AM. Whaaaat theeee fuuuuuuudge. It was a great late night treat.

Then Saturday I ate some breakfast at this cafe place that was called the Bungalow but we called The Bunghole. That was the most important part of Saturday. I worked as well, but twas quite boring!

Today I lazed and loafed and lounged the day away. It was great. Finished Summer Heights High. (Only eight episodes? Why hadn't I done this already?) And now I'm downloading a bunch of other shows now that I'll intend on finishing but probably never get around to. (Freaks and Geeks, Louie season 2, Spaced, and Life's Too Short) (Who am I kidding? Those shows are amazing (I hear), of course I'll finish them) (parentheses)

Exciting day tomorrow. Another audition, for a kid's tv interviewer guy, and a job interview for a serving position! And hopefully I'll finally send my headshots/resumes out to my friend's agencies as well.

Well I'm outties for the night.
Also I'll be taking suggestions for my new rap name. Preferably starting with the letter "DJ" or "MC" and preferably really stupid.

Night night my babies!

4/28 - 5/03

Okay, so that "update" that was supposed to happened yesterday didn't. And I know your mad, but come on baby, just let me put the tip in. It'll be alright again soon. Just let me soothe you with words. I can fix everything.

So, I had a pretty nice weekend/early week. And today was my day off, so if I can't find the time to update on my day off I never will.
First and foremost I want to address the last real post on here that was full of a crazy amount of emotion. I want to thank everybody who sent me their support or kind words. They really helped. And I feel much better now. Something somebody told me helped me come to a mini-epiphany. For some reason I was imagining myself all the way over here as some sort of prison. A man sent to the other side of the country, entirely isolated from his friends, told to start over from scratch, while he has to constantly read/hear about how much fun his friends are having. Sounds like hell to me. But that's not how it is. It's not a goodbye forever (although it may sometimes feel that way) it's more of a "goodbye for now, grandma's not really dead she's still here in spirit" kind of deal. We're all out doing our own things right now (except for you losers who are still in college) and our locations seem to be changing constantly. And the United States are NOT that big. So instead of moping about how far away from my friends I am, I'm going to try and make as many new ones out here as I can, talk to my old friends as much as I can online/skype/on the phone, and then the one's that really matter and who are truly important to me will make an effort to stick around in my life, just like I'll make an effort to stick around in theirs. Distance away does not equal emotional distance away. It usually is just way better if your friends can be near you 24/7. I don't know, it doesn't sound like a huge change in philosophy, but it's helped me come to terms with being out here a lot. Now all you fuckers who don't live in California need to move your asses out here before I have to stalk your asses down and talk your ear off/show you well thought out powerpoint presentations until you agree to do it. Don't make me do it. I know how to do the advanced slide transitions.

Well. Glad that's all wrapped up. Here's my weekend, coming at'cha!

Friday Night: Saw "What About Dick?" in downtown LA at this very nice, fancy-pants theatre called the Orpheum. Good show, stellar cast. Worth the money just for the cast alone. Who's in the cast, you ask? Well allow me to brag right quick. Russell Brand, Eric Idle, Tim Curry, Eddie Izzard, Billy Connolly, Tracy Ullman, and two other actory ladies. British comedy ROYALTY. It was amazing to see them all on stage together. There's a tiny blurry video on my facebook if you wanna see the final number.

Saturday: Worked from 7 AM to 2 pm. Got home, relaxed. Slept maybe? No, not nap, that's right. But I did go out to dinner with Ali (roommate shout-out!), her parents, and Amanda (regular non-roommate shout-out!). We went to this pizza place called...fuck, I have no idea what it's called anymore. It was pretty damn good too. Especially because Ali's parents paid which was NICE. Then I got home that night and started memorizing/writing a script for these two news stories for an audition the next day.

Sunday: More memorizing of the scripts that I wrote. Apparently a very funny script, but I just could NOT memorize it all by the time of the audition so I was totally nervous and freaked out in the waiting room the whole time. I didn't want to have to use my sides, but there came where I just went, "I don't have this memorized, I'm just going to use them. It would be stupid not to." So I did, naturally they auditors gave no shits, and I made the dude laugh a few times. So I hope I get call from those folks in a few weeks. I'd share more details about the gig but I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, mine included, until something actually happens. Then I was going to go to the Channel 101 show that night, but instead went to the mybrainhumor house and hung out and smoked some. I was still pretty bummed from friday.

Monday - Wednesday: A whole lot of work, but a gradual increase in mood due to kind words via comments on here, facebook messages, and skype talks. Which I just realized only further proves that friends can work wonders even while thousands of miles away. Yay friends, I love friends! Also this week: a butt-ton of auditions! Which is to say 2 auditions! But for crazy cool commercials, so it was a big deal. One for JG Wentworth (877 cash now!) that would be fun to get (callback tomorrow bitches) and one for a karaoke video game commercial, which would also be awesome to get. And I got a call today from this commercial audition I did a couple weeks ago that I'm in the running for the part on that one too! So thing's are looking up. Oh, fun things I did last night: Got trashed and went out to a UCB show. Solid use of a Wednesday night, methinks.

And then today was my day off so I just slept in, dicked around, caught up on my GoT, and read a lot of stuff about Diablo III. DIABLO III. I'm so excited for this game. I realize I will probably be killing so much time playing it, time that should be spent advancing my career or making money or something but fuck it! I just want to slay demons from May 15th onwards and if you're my true friends you'll move to LA and do the same.

Welp that pretty much wraps my week up. Oh, yeah, I also bought curtains so the sun doesn't wake me up everyday at 7 AM, a laundry hamper, and a bunch of clothes hangers which are SO necessary. Oh shit! I almost forgot. To buy those things I had to go to IKEA where my dear roommate (roommate shout-out number 2!) introduced me to IKEA's amazing 15 ball Swedish meatball lunch for 3.99 baby. If you're a cool kid who LOVES eating yummy foods and LOVES saving money, do yourself a favor and go eat at an IKEA, you'll be glad you did. Do like Jayme does and put some balls in your mouth.

In conclusion, balls. But also, I was thinking of doing little contests on this blog where people who read and defeat questions/challenges I pose to you win fun prizes. Does this sounds like something you'd like to happen? I'm letting the people decide! Post a comment below if you like this and want to win everything. First and last person to comment get a special prize!

As usual, G'night everybody. Eat your vegetables. (ewwwwwww i ate asparagus and liked it does this mean I have to turn in my little kid card? ugggggggggh i hate liking green things)

NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE JAYME SOMETHING SOMETHING

Feelin' fine.

Guh, weekend/today/yesterday update coming soon. Like...tomorrow? I swears it.

Riled up and Just Plain Fuck

I just did the most angry undressing of my life just now.
You should have seen it. It was pretty ridiculous. Even for me.
Okay, I've got a lot of thoughts right now (whoA! so different from usual!) So please, bear with me.
This was originally just going to be a musing (not to be mistaken with amusing) on life and whether anybody else really takes time out of life to wonder whether they're really living it to the fullest extent, but I just got back from a job interview. Sorry, let me rephrase that, a "job interview" - which was really just me showing up, filling out an application, wasting my motherfucking time, turning it in to the guy to have him tell me that they need at least a year of server experience. PLEASE MOTHERFUCKER, POST THAT SHIT IN YOUR AD ON CRAIGS LIST NEXT TIME. Also, since when the fuck did serving become rocket science? I have worked in jobs that require me to do everything a motherfucking server does, I'm sorry, IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD. Just let me do it and show you how fucking awesome I am at it and then kindly stay the fuck out of my way.

Okay, that was the first angst I had to get out. But it unlocked a bunch more angsty thoughts that I need to get out and in general just put an angry spin on all the thoughts I had before, so get ready for some hate and anger-infused thoughts coming at you.

1. Mother Fuck. I don't want to hear one fucking word of complaint from any of you bitches who decided to play it safe and just move your ass up to New York. "Waaa Waaa I'm so far from my family and my friends sometimes I just want to GO HOME." are words that if I ever hear you say, I will fucking kirk out on your asses. I think I'm just realizing today EXACTLY how sheltered I really am. Because even when you go abroad and live somewhere that's not your home for an extended period, there's still the knowledge that you're going back home eventually and eventually all will be restored. You'll be back with mommy and daddy and you'll have all your friends and your room and all your shit and feelings of familiarity and home back again. But you have no fucking grasp of what it's like to move away from everything you've known your whole life. I have always lived in Maryland. Always. I have history there. I know shit there. I have people that should all my best friends be busy, I can call up and they probably won't be. I'll ALWAYS have someone there to talk to should I need to. Sorry, let me rephrase, talk to face to face. You know what? No. Even just TALK TO. I feel like a big reason why I blog is because I'm such a talkative person that if I go for too long without talking to people I really care about about things I really care about, I'll blow the fuck up. And we don't talk on facebook/gmail chat/the phone, so I at least have to have one way conversations with you all to make up for it. And I realize I'm as much to blame here as you are, it's a two-way street obviously. So fuck me too, right? And by the way this is not directed at any one person, it's directed at a bunch of people who I think are my friends but we don't talk anywhere near as much as I want. I feel like we have a very shallow friendship, but we pretend as if we have a very deep one. Maybe my sense of friendship is all kinds of fucked or maybe I'm just PMSing right now which is fucking my brain up, but all this friendship bullshit leads me to my next rant. Don't worry, it's mostly about me this time.


2. Best Friends/Living Life Scared of Taking Social Risks. I don't know what is wrong with me or what happened to me that fucked up my idea of friendship, but I have a very hard time making friends. And I mean TRUE friends. I want to be so much better friends with people than I am but I WON'T let myself. I have gone through life not taking SO MANY risks. I refuse to open up to my friends and I apparently just don't give off the vibe of someone who people should open up to. Maybe because every time somebody does, the only way I know how to make them feel better is to make jokes to make them feel better. Which works, it does. But it feels fake to me. It feels like I'm not making anything better. What I'm saying is, I'm afraid to take risks for friendship. I have been for a long time. I'm afraid to just cold-call a good friend up "just to talk". I'm afraid they'll call me a pussy or a girl or something. I know this is irrational, it is. But I want to have a total "bro" that I talk to all the time. I want a Shawn to my Cory from Boy Meets World. And I refuse to take risks for friends. Call them up to talk? No way, fuck that. Call them up to see what they're doing so we can hang out? No way, fuck that, too risky. What if they think you're desperate and call you out on it? This is my nightmare phone call.
"Hey man, what's up?"
"Oh...hey Jayme. Not much."
"You wanna hang out?"
"Jesus again? We like...JUST hung out. Chill the fuck out dude. You call all the time. You're like a fucking clingy girlfriend."
*Click*
I think I have developed a super insecurity to being the clingy one in ANY relationship. I've developed this super aloofness the minute I learned back in high school that not caring was "cool". So now, I can't appear invested at all in any kind of relationship, girlfriend-wise or friendship-wise. I want to scream to all my friends now living in Maryland: YOU'RE SO AWESOME PLEASE COME TO CALIFORNIA AND BE HERE WITH ME SO WE CAN HANG OUT MORE. But I could never let myself do that. I want to send them all facebook messages with elaborate powerpoint presentations dissecting and breaking down why they should move to California and not Chicago or New York or anywhere else. And it's the most selfish thing in the world for me to do that, but it's what I feel like you should be doing if you have someone you consider a best friend and they're at a crossroad in their life. You should at least TRY to convince them to move where you are. You should take a god damn risk for them because that's what life is about. Taking risks for things you care about. INVESTING in things you care about and SHOWING THEM that you care. But unfortunately, I just can't do that. I don't think I can. Not today, anyway. I wish I could voice class therapy with Leigh Smiley forever until all my problems and issues were gone. Not an option.


3. Really Living Life? Learn an Instrument. Sigh. Okay, I've poured a lot of anger out. Let's try and talk about the thing I wanted to talk about to begin with and see if any more seep out. Really squeeze that snake bite and see if there's any more venom. I was watching a video of some song this morning on youtube. A song I've seen a friend of mine play on the ukelele. And for some reason this triggered me thinking, "I don't play any instrument at all. What have I done with my life?" Sure, I can play a few songs on a few of the most popular instruments of choice, but I have no idea how to actually PLAY an instruments. It seems like all my closest friends play, and I mean are like, SOLID at playing a musical instrument. And then I take a look at my special skills section of my resume and see "Juggling" and "Gamer". What the fuck have I been doing with my childhood/adolescence? I have a friend whose band is playing with CAKE soon. I love music, and I love the idea of playing an instrument, for some reason I just lack every motivation in the world to actually picking one up and fucking learning it. And it's because I've divided all my alone time in my life up until now either playing video games/practicing or preparing for acting/comedy somehow. And I feel like I've gotten so specific, and focused myself in so sharp that I have not lived a good portion of my life that's already gone by. I justify it by saying, "I'll learn to play drums when I'm rich" but what if that day never comes? What if I spend all my life focusing on becoming something, not allowing any time on the side for anything besides video games, a thing I love but unfortunately show NO sign of being a skill anybody is looking for anytime soon, and then never become that something and whither away having not lived life because I was so hyper-focused on that one thing? I think about life far too much sometimes when I should just be fucking living it. "There's always time to play an instrument later" Yeah, but what if you're dead later? Dark thoughts.

Well I sure hope you enjoyed reading this. I can't say I enjoyed writing it. Although maybe I did. I'm sure I'll feel better later because of it. And if you've made it this far you either like me a lot or love reading someone tear apart their psyche and insecurities. I know I do (to both of those things.) Yes, deep down, of course I love MYSELF. I just wish I could tell someone else how much I like them without the guise of a ironic "I love you man".

I hope I'll learn to get better about that kind of thing.
I hope I don't get a lot of people reading this and pitying me or thinking that I'm "in trouble". That's not what I want. I just think too much, that's all. Gotta get it out somehow.
I hope I either go play Diablo right now or go meditate. Or both. Both would be nice.
And most of all I hope I didn't come off sounding like a little bitch or too needy.
Thank you for your time.

4-24-12

Ugggggggggggggggggggggh. Whatever it is I have has NOT improved. It hasn't gotten worse either though, so that's good I guess. But it is fucking with my head. I am just not thinking straight at all.
I'll go into another room for no reason. I'll go to grab a glass of water and end up in the bathroom.
I'll go to an audition today that is actually tomorrow.
And my throat still hurts and my body is basically exploding with heat.
I run hot anyway so when I get a fever I can cook eggs on the sidewalk of my body.
And as sexy as that may sound to some of you, I assure you that the dripping from my nose or my wandering into the next room only to forget what I went there for like grandmom stalking around the retirement home at night will take away some of the sexiness inherent in that activity.
On the plus side I went to two auditions yesterday. Oh yeah, I already told you about them.
See? Little stupid slip-ups like that.
So I'll tell you how they went now.

The first one went alright. The casting lady really likes me and she real nice, so I'll hopefully get cast and hopefully they'll use me for every internet app ad they have ever. But the audition itself was just alright. I was little nervous, actually. I don't know why. Maybe because I thought I had a chance? Weird. Anyjay,
The second one (for The Groundling) went alright too, although I wasn't at my A-game. Not that it mattered, because as far as I could tell, it was basically just advanced advertising for their classes for actors. I believe their words were something very similar to, "We're not judging your acting skills, or even your improv skills, we just want to see whether you can project and openly communicate." So it seemed more like a way to weed out the reaallly socially innept people that somehow manage to hop off the crazy bus and wander (again ala dementia granny or me) into an acting class just to freak people out and make them feel awkward. So for that, I guess that's a good thing. So the way it play out i...98% of the people who auditioned more than likely passed (I did btw. Woot woot! I'm not a total dementia granny!) and now are even more encouraged to come pay them money to take their Basic level classes. Which, from what I gathered, is where the Basics really get covered. Basics like improv games and the like. So...it'll really be about til level 2/3/4ish until I'm really working with people who are like me and really want to make a career out of this hoopla. Sad, cause that's a long time to wait. Happy, cause I took the first step towards getting it over with ASAP.

That was yesterday. Then I went home, wrapped myself in my blanket and tried to rest the sick away. To no avail, apparently. Then today happened. Wasn't too bad actually. Submitted a buncha hunka burning stuff of mine to some peoples who might want me to audition for them. I hope they do. Cause that'd be cool. Then work, which was aight, cept it seemed to drag on forever because of the whole Crap Brain thing. Ughghgbuggle buggle buggle.
We got new work uniforms. They are tight. Gray and dark blue. And PINK buttons.
Swag. Pinkswaggy. Swagberry? Maybe.
TV and rest now.
And fucking water.
Ugh.
Water.
Don't even get me started.
If I have to pee one more god damn time, I'm going to pee right in my mouth.
That is an awful idea and an even worse threat. Why did I think that was a valid thought?
NO ONE LOSES BUT ME.
I must go now, because apparently I am delirious. Also, my planet needs me.
OH FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW. I watched the Sherlock season 2 finale last night and my world was rocked beyond repair. Fuck that show's awesome. Also, it was fun being back in Maryland for the night in my Kevin Spacey costume. Apparently a lot of people really liked it as well!
Yes, it was me. You know me, I can't miss the Helen Hayes awards!

"I'm-a Wario, Imma gonna ween!"
-Wario

4-22-12

First off, let me just tell ya'lls, this will hopefully be the first of many daily blog posts that merely recount my day. You don't have to read them because they will not be as interesting as my other, like, "deep" blog posts, and I'm not going to post up on facebook when I write these ones. I just wanted to stretch my writing muscles more. Thanks to that damn Ira Glass quote. Don't know it? I'll post it at the end of this post. Post. (Leonard likes this post!)

Woke up today to a phone call from my friend telling me I had 15 minutes to get ready for the short sketch we were shooting that morning. Oops! Luckily for me, I had basically nothing to do to prep for it. Put on a shirt. Put pants on. Brush teeth. Put in contacts. Done. Man, being a boy is so easy sometimes. Love it.

So off we went to film what I've affectionately and appropriately dubbed The Rape Sketch. You'll be seeing it all over facebook soon enough, I'm sure. Now don't worry, there's no rape in this sketch, but there is a lot of talk about it. It's gonna be great!

So, I woke up, shot that little monster of a sketch, and then raced home to quickly eat a brunch of eggs and bacon. Put some diced bell peppers in my eggs and it was nice. Also, Frank's Red Hot Sauce. I know it's just a commercial and a slogan and stuff, but I really do put that shit on everything.

By the time I got to work I was feeling even worse than I have been feeling lately. I've been accumulating symptoms every day since Friday. I woke up Friday with a sore throat, Saturday with a headache, and today when I got to work my head was all fuzzy and I kept feeling like I had to sit down. Not dizzy, exactly, just lacking in the strength to stand. This may be the first time in a while I'm coming down with something. Well I really hope I feel better by tomorrow because I've got two auditions then! One for the same people who wanted to book me for this other project, but I couldn't do it because I was already back in MD. And the other for The Groundlings comedy school! I'm excited about that one. I mean, I'm excited for both of them. But I'm especially amped for that one. I still don't know if The Groundlings is the comedy theatre school I want to go with, but auditions are free and are valid for a year, so why the f not. Speaking of that, I'm having a really tough time deciding which comedy school to attend. I want to attend them all, but that's just not possible. So, I must choose between Improv Olympic, Upright Citizen's Brigade Los Angeles, and The Groundlings. I am leaning towards The Groundlings though because that was always my original plan once I got out here, plus there are just so many SNL alum from there that I love/respect/want to be. So...I'm leaning towards them. But they so expensive. =(

Anyway, so I'm not feeling so hot and today at work it totally showed. Oh yeah, another thing that happened at work today. I got a serve my first celebrity. I don't know if you've heard of him. He's a little somebody named DAVID BECKHAM. I had to have somebody tell me it was him. It was embarrassing. But not really. More awesome, but only once I found out. Before that he was just Athletic British Dude in Sweats. He was cool although his oldest son was dressed like a douche. Oh well, there's still hope for the other two. Anyway, cool, right?

I've been eating so much Chipotle lately. It's the cheapest thing to eat near Pinkberry and on my lunch break I ain't got no other choice. Pack my lunch, you say? What am I, a high schooler?

Done. Time to sleep off this ugly bug. Night world!

P.S. Pinkberry hoodie swag coming this week. So jazzed.
P.P.S. If I can get my Pinkberry shift covered this Tuesday night I'll be at a job interview for a server/barista thing at a bowling alley. More money? Yes please.
P.P.P.S. I need more allowance. Yo-de-lay-hee-hoo. Why? Because I do.

Meditations on Meditations

Hey all! I'mmmm back. And with attitude. SO FUCK OFF.
Just kidding, I'm back with the same amount of attitude that I had before.
Anywhozles, just to clear things up for all the avid readers of my live-tweeting (not-so-live-blogging, whatever) of GOT, you might have noticed that I stopped posting after the 8th episode. Well if you watch GoT then you'll know and understand that shit got too real, and I had to stop. Because I didn't even have time to write dumb shit about the episode. I was too busy watching the next episode. But rest easy because I did enjoy those episodes, I did have stupid thoughts on them, and I am current with the show as of right now.

MOVING ON.
(Whoa, maybe I do have a little more attitude?)
TO BE DECIDED LATER
MOVING ON.

Also, as you definitely noticed, being back home certainly did not help with my blogging habits. And I always wondered why it was so hard to blog when I was living in MD, but now I know why. With a house full of people (4/5 depending on the time of day) who are all always love/are up for playing and/or watching something with you, it is hard to find time to do anything. There are just sooo many distractions. But here, luckily, I'm by myself all the time doing nothing whatsoever but crying and making little paper dolls of my friends and loved ones and acting out fun times and conversations we might be having if I weren't living 2,000 miles away. So...plenty of time for blogging as well.

Oh, and meditating.
Because what else do you do in a pretty much empty apartment with lots of down time?
So sit down children because Jayme is going to tell you a story.
This story actually happened a few days before I left for MD, but I didn't have time to blog it out and then once I got to MD it was as good as fucked.
So here it is.

I was meditating one day, after a particularly long streak of meditating. Usually, I forget or simply not have time to meditate a few days out of the week, but this day I had a new record that I forget now but let's just say it was 7 days, for brevity's sake. So I was really in a groove. Now, I know most of the people reading this probably do not practice meditation and either feel like it is a dumbo poo poo hippie waste of time or whether it is something that they would try but just lack the proper instruction/time, like I did. Well, for those people, I'm not going to pretend to be able to instruct you through a meditation session, but here's just a small summary of what I do when I dos it. (And for the other people, eat my butt.)
(a) Get a pillow, set it on the floor, sit on it with just my butt. Sort of an raised indian-style
(b) Set a phone alarm for 25 minutes, hide in under pillow/blanket so the alarm sound is not too jarring when it goes off. Cause that's the last thing you want.
(c) Close my eyes, rest my hands comfortably in my lap, and try my best to think about nothing and just pay attention to my breathing for the next 25 minutes.
(d) Every once in a while, when I'm feeling particularly distracted, I throw in a mantra of "Just be here, in this moment, right now."

That's all. Now you can try it at home! (Kids, don't try this at home). Now, the first time, you probably won't get much out of it and you'll probably be super distracted and thinking about all sorts of random crap. That's okay. That's supposed to happen. If you do that, you're doing it right. But around the 3rd, 4th, and 5th times you'll start reaching a crazy zen place that has to be felt to understand. It's a lot of fun.

ANYWAY, I was in that crazy zen place, right. And I was pretty deep into it. I mean like, knee-deep in that shit. And I started making all these big life realizations. Stuff like, "My whole life has been dictated by fear. How? Why? Oh, because of my brother. That makes sense. That's bullshit. I hate living like that. I'm going to live without fear now." And I did. When the timer went off and I came to, I was more comfortable in my skin then I have been in a long time. So I went and took a shower. And then something weird happened.

I stared into the mirror and cried. Not because of how ugly I am. Or even because of how hot I am (which can be daunting). It was like I was staring at myself through the eyes of Kid-myself. Little Jayme was looking at Big Jayme and was so surprised by what he saw. He did not look like he expected himself to look like. Not in a bad way or a good way, just in a different way. Probably because Kid Jayme was a dumb kid and had no idea how people age. Jeez, Kid Jayme, get your shit together. Anyway, he saw Big Jayme and was so surprised. But mainly, so proud. He looked at his future and was just so happy that here he was, 20-some years later, living in Hollywood. HOLLYWOOD. (well sherman oaks but shutup). Pursuing his dream of becoming a movie actor. I don't think Kid Jayme ever saw that one coming. I mean, it's one of those things that's easy to say, not to do. "Oh yeah, when I grow up I'm going to move to Hollywood and be a big movie actor!" And when you actually do it, it's not...easy to take in. I still don't think I've fully registered where I am and what I'm doing with my life right now. But I do know that Kid Jayme is proud of me and the man I've become. I know because he saw me and he cried. He cried little kid tears of joy. And they came out of Big Jayme. They poured out of him in exactly the same way they would pour out of TV hottie and Mad Men protagMANist Don Draper. They came out of him in the form of B-52 rockets which shot from his eyeballs and exploded the mirror in tiny shards of Doritos Cool Ranch chips. They fell down his face as sharks sticking half-way out of a t-rex's mouth, vomiting gold and lava, do.

It was pretty cool.
So I'm going to stick with meditation.
Until I become a big movie actor that is.
Then I'm going to pay someone to do my meditating for me.

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 8"

I agree with the Imp.
"I like living".
Also, I swear to God, if I have to watch that boy suckle that teet one more time I'm going to freak. I know he didn't do it again in this episode, but HE GOT SO CLOSE.
Ugh.
They knew what they were doing, those sick-ass writers. Teasing the moment like that.
No more really old breast-feeding teasing, okay writers? KThanks.
Oh and there's a war or something. That's cool too.

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 7"

It's true, he did say don't trust him.
But still.
Fuck!
Also there was a dong in this episode.
Not the first, but by far the most memorable.

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 6"

The Imp is a Pimp. That was a risky ass plan and it had like...97 ways of backfiring, but SOMEHOW he still got outta there. Wow.

Also sweet bush flash, Rosaline! Haha. Gratuitous vagina!

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 5"

Well this episode was just disgusting.
From the King's fat belly to the 9-year-old suckling on his mom's titty to the COMPLETELY unnecessary blowjob sound effects. Come on now! I'm homophobic!
I can't handle those kind of male-on-male noises all up in my straight ears.

Gross Game of Thrones.
Just...gross.
About all those things.

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 4"

I found the "broken thing" hinted at in the episode title.
(Here's a clue: It's fat, can't fight for shit, and SUCKS.)
Let's hope he either gets awesome somehow or dies by a joust through the throat like that other guy. HOW AWESOME WAS THAT? I hope that guy's alright.
Get well soon, Sir Wood-In-Your-Throat.
(hahahaha. gross.)

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 3"

Soooo...I take it Winter is a bad thing?

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 2"

Man, I want a dire wolf.
Also, that kid prince SUCKS.

"Thoughts After Having Watched Game of Thrones Episode 1"

Man, now I'm going to have "The Things We Do For Love" stuck in my head alll day.

A Dangerous Pastime (I knoooooow)

All right, so I've been watching this BBC tv show, Sherlock.
Although it's not really a tv show, it's a series of short-ish movies, where 3 movies make one season. Now I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same exact thing when I first heard of this show. "BBC? Sherlock Holmes? Seriously? Someone is doing Sherlock Holmes AGAIN? Ugggh how many time can one character be interpreted? And it's the British this time (AGAIN), so it'll probably be soooo dry and boring."
I've just finished "season one" (the third movie) and let me tell you why you need to watch this show. If you're not trying to have a tv show pushed on you right now, skip this upcoming little chunklette. But you should let me push it on you, because I like it and I have good taste. Have you seen my hair? Moving on...

1. It is dry. Of course, it's the British, don't be silly. But it is not boring. It is modern and riveting. If you like mystery shows, that is. And you should. It's like watching Monk except Sherlock makes Monk look like a child.
2. It takes place in the modern day. Which is...just cool. This fact actually was a major contributing factor in my enthusiasm to watch the show.
3. Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock. Odds are, you don't know who this guy is. Unless you've heard his name mentioned and looked him up or are keeping very close tabs on the new Hobbit movie. If you are the latter, you'll know that he is going to be playing the voice of Smaug, the dragon, and the prime antagonist, of The Hobbit movie. This guy is blowing up right now. Give him one year and he'll be all over everybody's radar. Needless to say, he's awesome.
4. Martin Freeman aka Jim from the BBC Office aka Arthur Dent from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie aka Stand-in Porno Guy from Love Actually aka soon-to-be Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit (as well), as Watson. If you're thinking, "Hey, why is this guy playing Watson? He's done way more stuff than that Benedick Bumpersnatch guy. Why isn't he Sherlock?" again, you're thinking exactly what I was thinking before I started watching. Trust me, the roles are perfectly cast.

Wow, this wasn't supposed to turn into a love-fest for Sherlock, but it looks like that's exactly what it has become. In conclusion, and so I can move on, this show rocks, watch it. And if you're a girl (and the odds would say you probably are) who likes to read (and the odds would say you probably do) and you like pale, intellectual, smarmy, and intense yet aloof British men, you'll be obsessing over Frumperpatch within minutes. So...get on it. Don't you want to obsess right now?

End Sherlock love rant.

What I really wanted to discuss is something that came up when I was researching one of the actors on the show. No actor that I've discussed already, and I don't want to ruin anything so I'll leave the name out. But this actor within 10 minutes impressed me so thoroughly that I immediately went and IMDBed him to see what else he had done.

It turns out, not much. But there was a quote in his bio that interested me.
It said, "Scott has always followed his own path, eschewing fame and fortune for interesting work, new challenges, and time to live his life."

And it made me think, like...damn. Man, I want to be that kind of actor. I really do. I would LOVE to just play all the fun, deep, challenging roles. Because of course, I think that's what every actor really wants deep down. But on the other hand, I want to play the stupid, frivolous little comedy roles as well. But either way, I can't just go about, flip-flopping along eschewing fame and fortune left and right! I got bills to pay. And the only way to pay those bills is to acquire at least a LITTLE fame and fortune. What I'm saying is, on the inside, I want to play every face-palmingly-dumb man-child and every mastermind evil villain there is. And I would be happy and could probably lead a full and happy life if there were some way for me to play all these roles without some sort of acting status/notoriety. But, there isn't, so, I can't.
No eschewing for me.
I'll be the guy doing commercial after commercial (literally the farthest thing you can do in the acting world from complex characters) until I get to do some indies, then hopefully features, and THEN, once I've got some screen cred, maybe then I'll get to pick and choose and be super selective about the parts I play. I'LL ESCHEW WITH MY MOUTH WIDE OPEN ALL DAY LONG.
But until then, I'm a commercial cheeseball as shallow as a bird bath.
And I'm actually fine with that now.
I just wish this amazingly talented douchebag wasn't constantly rubbing his artistic credibility in my face all the time by making me look at his IMDB page.

-PB & Jelly

Reasons Why I Must Succeed pt. 2

(Part 1 right below this one, silly heads.)

3. I am stupid/crazy enough to pursue the dream and stupid/crazy enough never to give up. Let's break these two points down, shall we?
3.1 - "You have to be stupid/crazy to pursue the dream of film actor"
EVERYBODY agrees that it is one of the craziest/dumbest things a person could attempt. It's true. If you want some solid evidence, read this hilarious and soul-crushing article on Cracked:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-awful-things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-actor/

Great article, right? It's true, mostly. Anycray, actors be cray. That's why so many acting teachers tell you, "If you could see yourself doing anything else besides acting, DO IT". Everyone agrees that actors are crazy, and if we're going on the assumption that they have moved to California to pursue film, they most assuredly are. You Theatre actors, you're still up-for-grabs in the crazy debate. But you can pretty much guarantee that all actors pursuing film in California are either seriously stupid or have a major screw loose. Or, if you'd like to put a positive spin on those words, you can say that they're "dreamers" or "stubbornly determined". So you know what? Let's use those happy words instead. I'm a stubbornly determined dreamer. That sounds much better AND it keeps the cognitive dissonance from blowing my brain up.

3.2 "You'd have to be stupid/crazy to not give up the dream after years of work towards it and still having not reached it."
While I can't tell you whether I am actually this crazy/stupid/love yet, because I have not invested 15 years in an acting career only to still not give up, I can tell you that as of right now, I am willing to invest 15 years in an acting career and not give up. And I'm fine with that. But who knows, things change...Or do they? No they do. Unless they don't...

4. I have a firm belief that since I'm only going to live once, I might as well try to make it the most extravagant, phenomenal life possible. And if it doesn't work out, which it will, but say my life is tragically cut short somehow as I unnervingly and far-too-frequently imagine it might be, I will have spent my life pursuing a dream that while "stupid" is the only thing I would ever want to spend a lifetime chasing.
There's a quote I just discovered recently that I love that goes a little something exactly like this:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt, "Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

So...in conclusion, I'm a gladiator. Not the Russell Crowe kind.
The kind that spells it "Glad-I-Ate-Her" and laughs for a few minutes, then squashes a bug and drinks some milk.

And if this post has come off as conceited at all, please bear in mind, I'm only turning the pain of working in the food industry into motivation.

VIVE LA FRANCE.

Reasons Why I Must Succeed pt. 1

Lately I've been thinking very positively about my career, particularly in regards to how my personality is well-built for this crazy career choice I've stubbornly and hap-hazardly embarked upon. Here are a few things about me that lead me to believe that I have what it takes to make it in this crazy business. And by "make it", I mean at the least become a professional Actor. Meaning I have NO other job, that is all I do. I act for money. And at the most, a film icon. That'd be sweet, right? Well, that's the plan. "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." I've never liked that saying ever since someone pointed out to me that it basically implies, "Settle for mediocrity". But if we stretch our imaginations a little and pretend it instead implies, "Set unrealistically high expectations of yourself, so that even if you don't reach them, you'll still be a God among most humans." Okay, well...nevermind, that's actually worse. Well in any case, the point I'm trying to make, if you'd let me speak for just a moment MOM, is that my moon is Film Legend (fuck icon, I Am Legend) and my stars are Never Having to Work in Food Service Again.

Anyhooters, here are some things that I believe are strengths of mine that will aid me well in my journey to stardom. NO. Moondom.

1. I am in a state of constant self-improvement. I am always learning from my mistakes, from my failures, and making sure they never happen again. Adjusting my actions and in some radical cases, my personality, to be more prepared and superior in the future. It's a problem, because it means that some aspects of myself are more malleable than they should be and sometimes it leads me to having identity crises and thinking that I have no integrity. But it all seems to be worth it when I see the changes I've made to myself pay off in a good way. I've always wondered at what point you stop trying to change yourself for the better and instead just accept that that's the kind of person you are. I'll tell you when I reach that point.

2. I've always been very good at turning pain into motivation. Rejection being such a big part of the biz, I reckon this is a pretty handy skill. When people tell me "Go away, I hate you!" I just want to come at them (bro), and make them love me. Not really, but you get what I mean, right? I mean, there's nothing like someone constantly telling you no to get me all riled up to force them to say yes. It must be the only rebellious bone in my body, as I was a total nerd/teacher's pet in school. So, to quote a big soulful black lady somewhere, "And you, and you, and you, you're gonna love me." Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. This took a weird turn. What I'm basically saying is that I live my life through a strong belief in karma/whimsical, light-hearted revenge, where when I get to say I told you so, it will be terrifyingly spat through a megaphone as my army marches in tight lines before me, and my secret police force descends upon the non-believers. There will be banners with my face strewn across every home, and there will be blood. And it will be the blood of the children and pets of the non-believers.

Like I said, whimsical, light-hearted revenge.

I get it

I get it now. I do.
I get why most of the times when I would run into one of my friends who had already graduated when I hadn't yet, they would have this foreign look in their eyes. This look that said, "Oh yeah, I remember you. Huh." They seemed to be filled with indifference and bitterness, but most of all they just seemed worn down. A tired, toned-down version of their former self. Or at least how I remembered them anyway. I get that look and that behavior now. It's post-college life. It's life itself.

And I don't mean that like, "Ugh, living is so HARD." I mean it in that having graduated and pushed out into the real world to fend for yourself is fucking rough. It's not an easy transition. And moving away can make that transition even harder.

They looked tired because they were. They would appear indifferent because I was in a whole other world. I was still in College. It's a completely different world outside of there, and there's a huge disconnect once you graduate between you and all your friends who are still there. They're still in shows, still going to great parties, still getting drunk every weekend and doing stupid shit. And there's pictures of all of it on facebook. And all you can do is look at them and go, "Oh yeah. I remember that. Those were fun times. Well, they're over now. Enjoy it while it lasts, guys."

Wow, okay, this post has gotten so much darker than I meant for it to get. Like, depressing as shit. Hahaha. Sorry guys, I was just looking at pictures on facebook of friends of mine in a show they had done and it brought me back, and then suddenly I was so angry I wasn't there anymore. I don't know why, but every once in a while post-graduate life just REALLY digs into me. Out of the blue, just random things on facebook (or sometimes in real life) will just catch my attention and remind me of something, and then WHAM, I'm flooded with bitterness. "Why are my friends still in college? They should be out here like me. I've outgrown them. I'll never see them again anyway. We've been living in two different worlds for too long. They're probably different now. They probably suck. I probably suck. No. I'm great. They probably suck."

I guess what I'm saying is I miss my friends. I miss doing college shows. I miss going to college parties and shitty college diners afterwards. I miss taking stupid pictures with my stupid face. I miss stupid things mattering SO MUCH.
I guess I just don't feel mature enough for the real world yet. I'm still so immature. And I do mean that in both ways. I've just got Peter Pan syndrome right now. I don't want to grow up. And being without my friends is making me grow up and be boring. And I don't want that. I literally CAN'T let that happen, either, if I want the career that I want.

Note to self: stop looking at college friend's facebook pictures.

I can only hope the next time I see them I don't give them that same cold, indifferent look my friends gave me. I hope I have not outgrown them.
Womp Womp.
Man, now I gotta write another entry quick so this doesn't linger around the top of my blog and bum people/myself out.

Yo yo yo

Lucy, I got a looooot of 'splainin' to do.
So, it's been a while.
And I'm tired as hell but I'm going to blog regularly if it fucking kills me. And it might if I keep being an idiot and writing only when it's late at night. I can't even think straight this late so I don't write what I want to write about. Geesh, what a conundrum.

So let's just play a little personal life catch up.

Here are some things I've done in the past two weeks:
-Interviewed for a job at Pinkberry
-Got job at Pinkberry. Froyo is my career. Ugh.
-Opened a Chase bank account
-Moved into my new apartment with Miss Ali Grusell. Want a tour? Watch these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naS1qFRvbtA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dKNczL8f1c
Yes, I know I was holding my phone the wrong way and therefore it looks like shit, and yes, I don't care. It's funny, so check it out.
-Went to register for Central Casting for background work only to find out that I don't have my passport and they don't take photocopies. Mega laaame. It's okay, I have my ways.
-Booked (myself! fuck you, agents) and shot 3 days on set on a tv show called Fatal Encounters on the Investigation Discovery channel. I'll let ya'll know when it's on. I got to smoke a lot of fake pot and improv a lot of wise-cracking stoner lines. And one day I got paid $75 to show up and shoot for an hour and a half. Hot diggity damn!
-Became closer friends with a house full of cool peoples.
-Made a short comedy film with said house of cool people.
-Wrote future short comedy films. Also with said cool people.
-Sang sea shanties with SCP.
-Played some cruel facebook pranks with SCP, including one where we pretended someone who wasn't dead had died, and changing our friend kevin's profile status to "Just found out I'm going to be a father. Wow." and then made his profile picture a sonogram and changed his relationship status to "It's complicated". That was a good one.
-Ate Chipotle for the first time since I've been here. Still delcious.
-Worked out and yoga stretched like a motha. I will be able to do the splits in a year. That is my goal. Also to lift a car.
-Been listening to a lot of Rob Lowe's autobiography on CD, as read by Rob Lowe. It is literally the best autobiography I've ever had read to me.
-And of course been watching the best monster make-up reality tv show ever: Face Off. If you're interested in kick ass monster movie makeup and people competing against each other to make the scariest/most ass-kickiest monster, then Face Off is for you. And if you're not interested in that, I'm not for you. We are not friends.
-Went to three auditions. One for a movie where I would be alongside this guy who's on Breaking Bad and also it features an actual live-recorded pig slaughter. Yikes. And the other was for an All American Rejects music video where I would have played Tyson Ritter (the lead singer you loser) as a high schooler. I thought I was a shoe in for that part, as I look just like the dude. The director thought otherwise. Oh well, c'est la vie. Say la vee. Yup, that way looks way better. And the last one was for a found footage horror movie. Pretty meh all around, but the audition was on the Paramount Pictures movie lot so I felt like a total hot-shit actor rolling up to the front gates and being let in. FREE VALET PARKING YA'LLLLL
-And, well...this was a while ago...but I haven't told many people and it bears more people telling. I went to a legit Speakeasy bar for my friend Alyssa's birthday. I had to go through a wardrobe to get into it. It was craaaazy.

Man, good times. Well, hopefully if I start to blog more I'll be able to get more detailed and write some philosophical entries I've been trying to write for a while. Here's hoping. Probs gonna upload some pics to my facebook tonight too, so go check them out if you want. And I'm pretty sure you do want.

Night ya'll. Seabiscuit out!

HAPPY, NOT DEPRESSED

Hey ya'll, just wanted to do a quickie little update right quick because I got tired of going to my blog page and seeing the giant "Depressed Again" title staring back at me. I feel like people still think I'm depressed, which, I'd like to stress yet again, I am not anymore.

I'm gonna be doing a real big ole mamma jamma update real soon hopefully so check back in a little bit and I'll have something yummy for you to read. Also I think I'm going to post my blog link up on my facebook again. I would post it up every time I made a blog post, but there are certain people I don't especially want reading this. "But Jayme, why don't you just add them to a private list so they can't see it." It's not that simple, yo. I got relatives/business people who I have to let see all my other facebook posts but I would never want to read my blog. But actually, now that I type about it, I think there is a way to make it so only certain people can see it and only for that one specific post so...I'm going to go do that.

If you're reading this after clicking the link from my facebook, you have this post/brainstorming sesh to thank for it.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Again, newer more detailed post coming soon.

Depressed Again

Ugh, why do I do this?
I need A JOB.
Should probably get some insurance for my car first though.
And for the record, his name is Slimer. Or Slimey. Yeah, I like Slimey.
Watched Kung Fu Panda today with Ali and Michael. Still Awesome. The movie and them.
Watched some Avatar: The Last Airbender with them too. Not the Movie. And Amanda. Also still awesome. The tv show and Amanda.
Back to page 56 of The Hunger Games to try and take my mind off my crippling workaholism/lack off work combo!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
No food. Must buy food.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

California

As you may or may not have guessed from the title right above this sentence, this post has something to do with California. And I'll tell you something else before I tell you how California is in any way relevant, and that is this: I am not playing Skyrim anymore. This is why I am blogging for the first time in literally forever.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "Hmm...why isn't Jayme playing Skyrim anymore? Did he get tired of it? Did his disc break? Did he beat it? WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY BRAIN!?"
And I'll tell you another thing right now, the answers to those questions are (respectfully) "I'll tell you soon. No. No. NO. And I don't k-no-w." The reason I am not playing Skyrim anymore is because I physically cannot. There is no way for me to because my character, Schmee the Dark Elf Bad-ass Mage Extraordinaire, and my x-box, X the Bad-ass Box Extraordinaire, are both in my house. In Maryland.

"But Jayme", you whine, "I thought you were around your house in Maryland like...all the time. Don't you like...live there? Or something?"

Well stupid, whiny reader of my blog, the answer to that whiny stupid question is "No. I do not live there. Nor do I something there anymore."

I live in California now. Los Angeles California. And honestly, right now it couldn't suck any more.

So...needless to say I don't really feel like writing right now. But I'm doing it, because I haven't in a while and I need to get some things out.

Firstly, okay, fine, it COULD suck more, I'm just feeling very weird and screwed up about the whole situation. Obviously moving to California has been my lifelong dream. I guess I just never thought it would get to this point. Or at least when I did I thought it would be less difficult than this.

My difficulties lie in the fact that I am relatively friendless and am therefore just a quiet slave to the people around me. Not an actual slave, that would not make any sense at all. Just...a quiet, unsure person. I need my friends back. Like, more than just the one or two I have out here (who are AMAZING, don't get me wrong), but I still can't fully be myself yet.

I've seen so much great comedy out here already and I'm worried that I made a mistake coming out here. I'm worried I will never be as good as the people out here are. I don't know if I have what it takes. I'm just...not there. They are so funny.
And it's really bumming me out. The funnier they are, the more I laugh. The more I laugh, the more bummed out I am that I will never live up to and be able to compete with what they are. How am I supposed to do that? I feel so out of place out here.

No family either. Far far away. Without friends and family I feel like I've been stripped of everything that made me me. I hope I don't spiral downwards into a horrible identity crisis and have a psychotic breakdown. That would be unfortunate.

So let's hope it doesn't come to that.
On the other hand, California is like College 2. And every single person is an undergrad, and the time is always Party O'Clock on a Friday night. And the week is always Finals Week When No One Has Finals. And the Month is always Party Month (October). And the season is always Palm Tree season. And the year is always 1999. Which is, as everyone knows, the most partying year of all the years.

Okay, real talk. I'm not hating it out here, I'm just adapting. It just so happens that my adapting is taking the form of shyness and depression.

I just haven't acted or done improv in so long and I'm worried that I can't do it anymore or never could do it or never will do it as good as I need to do it to fulfill my dream. I'm itching so hard to do something to push my career ahead in any way, but all I can do right now is lay back and watch other people be INCREDIBLY funny. And it's killing me. As a workaholic and an actaholic and a laughaholic, I'm going through some pretty serious withdrawal.

Did I mention I'm an Old Maryland Friend-aholic too?
Withdrawal is some nasty business.

Who would have thought that I'd be checking into the Betty Ford Clinic so soon upon arriving in California?