Today (Yesterday) was Friday, Tomorrow (Today) will be Saturday, and Sunday Comes Afterwards (still true)

Hey blingity blog,

It's been a while. 2 weeks or so. I keep making excuses not to write in you but eventually I got to a point where I'm so full of critiques and ideas about my psyche that I just have to type them out.

Tonight's topic: Idolatry and Danger.

Okay, so one thing I've known about myself for a while is that I tend to idolize people that I meet in my life. Usually the qualifications for these people are
1. Needs to be a guy
2. At least my age but more often older than me
3. Really funny
4. Usually good with girls
5. a bit of a rule breaker

I've noticed this pattern in most of the dudes I've idolized. And what happens when I decide that I need to become this person? Well first of all, they're put up on a very tall pedestal. After that, I either become good friends with them or don't. If I do, I soak up every positive quality I feel they have until I feel like I've learned all I can learn from them, and possibly even improved upon what they have to offer. We stay great friends, we're equals, and things are awesome. If I don't become friends with them, I never become fully comfortable around them and then are usually pretty awkward around them, due to my adoration of them. I'm afraid of saying something they won't like or won't find funny. That's usually a pretty shitty road.

So I've noticed I do this, and I wonder if anyone else does this.

Anyway, this leads right into my next point: Danger (for those of you too slow and/or lazy). Becaaaaaaaause I just saw an old friend of mine tonight who I used to idolize, still kind of do these days but for different reasons. These days I envy him because he has ultimate freedom.

He just does whatever the fuck he wants. Free of consequence, free of public judgement. He reminds me of Russell Brand at that age, a total fucking badass with no regard for the safety or well being of himself or others, doing and trying everything in life, with good and bad consequences but either way, getting an awesome story out of it.

I don't know whether its the ridiculous sense of "always trying to be a good person to everybody I meet" thing that my parents seem to have instilled in me or whether my delusions of grandeur for stardom are more powerful than I ever could have imagined. Because I definitely do find myself saying, "Now you don't want to flick that guy off, what if that person turns out to be a famous casting director or something and he remembers you and you don't get the part!". Or even worse, "Don't do that, because if you do it and then come off looking like an asshole that girl's going to write a whoooooole long ass blog entry about how she fucked the famous Jayme Bell (not the ballet bitch one) and then [Sunday comes] afterwards he treated her like shit." That's a fun little mind scenario to run.

But my friend, for whatever reason, has a beautiful, inspiring lack of disregard for what people think. And in doing so, he in my head, gives off an aura of danger. A certain "I could do anything at any point because I have a complete and utter lack for what you think". I admire the FUCK out of that. That's just...so much balls.
So I respect the shit out of him, and hope to hang out with him more, in an effort to soak up all his dangerousness and thrilling freedom.

Haha, that sounded pretty gay.
But seriously, I want to suck up his freedom juice.

Good talk.

Friiiiiiiiiday.

"I-I wanna be bad."
-music legend Willa Ford

confession time

Yeah, I like to cuddle and fuck. And sometimes not necessarily in that order, either.

i've had more sexually satisfying pisses...

...is a line that I am waiting to use either a) in my life or b) in a movie or show I write. It's funny because when I pee, I actually do receive a abnormally large amount of sexual pleasure. Is there something wrong with that?

Anywho, I know I said I would update tonight, and knowing that there are literally two hundred thousand million people out there awaiting this entry with bated breath, that is the only thought spurring me on right now. Because I am butt ass tired. Because my week has been crazy busy.

I'm doing this whole juggling two jobs thing, which wouldn't be too bad if one of those jobs didn't keep requiring me to wake up at ungodly early hours of the morning and then perform/feign enthusiasm in front of hundreds of young supple children. It's fun, don't get me wrong, it's just exhausting.

This week has been full of fun and news and stuff! First of all, I figured out that I am most definitely hard of hearing in my right ear for some reason. Not only that, but sometimes (in my right ear only) all the sounds I hear get all static-y and weird. I'm sure that's normal and that everyone experiences this as well, but just in case they don't, I'm going to a doctor sometime soon to make sure my ear isn't going to implode or explode or sexplode or frogandtoad or anything like that.

Secondly, I could be acquiring a good deal of money soon, and not even from my jobs! More on this later, as it may not be legally beneficial for me to speak of this now.

Thirdilally thirdilally golly what a day, I've been reading My Booky Wook (by Russell Brand). I'm 5 chapters in and I'm already quite confident that I've found a new comedic idol. He is just such a freaking genius. So now my comedy idolization triforce is thus: Russell Brand, Andy Samburg, Conan O Brien. So I'm going to be a mixture of all three. Hope you're ready world. Actually, with each passing page I read in his book, the more and more sure I am that I am actually going to enter into hollywood fame one day. I grow more and more confident and determined by the day that I will do/have everything it takes to be a super fucking comedy genius actor. So...confidence/determination = instant success, right? Damn straight the answer to that is yes. You are DARN TOOTIN, EVEN.

Speaking of me and my optimistic if not healthy, delusions of grandeur, I've had a recent swelling of self-confidence lately in my abilities/myself in general. Most likely because I am making money doing two things that I know I'm good at. My ambition drives my sense of worth. Interesting. Aries all the way baby.

Alright, well, I have many more good ideas for blog entries that I'd love to write right now, but am not going to because otherwise I will fall into a dormant hibernation for 18 years tomorrow morning sometime in the middle of my performance, so I will save them for another day (don't worry, I wrote them down for you).

By the way, If you think my writing is ADD-fueled, you should see Russel Brand's.

Okay okay, I've given you mongrels what you want. And you'll get more later. You just have to be patient.

OH shit! I almost forgot. Jamar Tracy Rhea and I won trivia night at elephant and castle this week, Pokemon Black and White comes out this sunday, and my 23rd (yipe) birthday is now officially less than a month away. Guess which one of these I'm most excited about!

(here's a hint: Tepig.)

Quote of the night: Ian Bell: "I'm just hungry AND THAT'S ALL I CARE ABOUT!!"

dear you

dear people who check this blog,

thank you for doing what you do. I love you. Thank you for bearing with me during this dry spell of blogginess. I am way too busy. Your dedication will be paid back in full tomorrow night, I think.

Love,

Your God, Jayme