time for a change?

I've got a lot of problems.

I'm extraordinarily shy when it comes to meeting new people without any friends there.

I'm constantly trying to gauge how people view me.

I'm always changing myself instead of sticking to being who I am and saying "if you don't like it, fuck you." Granted all these changes I consider to be improving myself. Which doesn't sound like a bad thing, but it usually comes out of me trying to please people. So that's lame.

And one new one I just discovered last night. I overcompensate for my insecurities with energy, showing off, wearing stupid things to make myself stand out, and loud noises in general.

And it only seems like I do this around people (or persons) that I'm not 100% comfortable being around. Either I feel I haven't entirely won their friendship or I feel that I have some sort of reputation of "nutty goofball jayme" to live up to.

Now, I'm wondering whether me having energy and being loud comes from this weird fear of people not accepting me unless im some sort of loud brash clown, or whether it's part of who I am. Or maybe it wasn't always part of me, but has become that way just because I've been doing it so long.

Either way, I think it's time to stop dressing myself up and trying to force the spotlight on myself all the time. A good friend told me a little while ago that I put on things to draw attention to myself (probably some weirder version of "peacocking" or something) and I fully realize now the severity of that.

So I'm going to change. Not change myself. Just change the style in which I present myself. I would much prefer to be the quiet funny guy who has energy sometimes than the loud in-your-face funny guy who has moments of down-time.

Point being, I'm going to stop performing and vying for people's attention.

Maybe I'll end up hating this. We'll see.

Anyway, fuck this noise (hah), time to get some serious work done.

My dick bad, my dick hood, my dick do stuff that yo dick wish it could

Whooooooooa I have just come off (heh) the most intense weekend bender I've had in a loooong time. So intense that it took me until now (tuesday night) to write about it. I needed monday as a recovery day. And maybe it's because I've been writing so much, but my brain has been like...EXPLODING with thoughts that I want to put down on paper (internet computer screen paper).
So here's the rundown of my weekend in my super awesome ADHD style that if you've read more than one of my blog posts you should be pretty familiar with at this point. I will at least organize the days for you. Because daddy loves you so.

Friday
Woke up and went to work at the cheesecake, obvis, but THEN, drove to college park and parked at the metro, for I had much happy hour to attend to. So I parked there, fully intending on skipping out on the garage fees by exiting the garage on the weekend, because I am an evil genius. So I parked there, metro'd into DC, and got my first happy hour on at Elephant & Castle where Rhea works. She hooked me up with a kickass Irish Hot Chocolate-esque drink that filled me with warmth and goodness and happiness. And the best part? IT WAS FREE. Boy, what a pal! So I hung out there until about 5, when I got a call from my group of second happy hour buddies; Doris, Laura, John, Derrick, and even Areej! Wowie wow wow. They were ready for me. So I skedaddled over to RDF (or some shit. i don't know. i made it there, okay?). Wasn't a far walk. Drank some cheap but slightly unsatisfying beer, and ate some okay jalepeno popppers. Yum. Jalepeno poppers. Have you seen these things? Amazing. Anyway, it was really great catching up with all my old roomies/people from my college years (fuck im old) and especially finding out that we all still click and are all still immature and awesome. That ended, we all headed out, me to CP, everyone else to G-town. Boo. No company for me =(. But alas, I had some irrate winged beasts on my ipod to keep me happy. So I get back to CP, hit up miss kerl's apartment for the night where FAMILY GAME NIGHT was on the agenda! Most of the crew was there. So we taboo'd and cranium'd our faces off. The girls cheated at taboo. I GOT 9 IN ONE TURN. I thought that was damn impressive, if I do say so myself. Drank a little more. I spelled "broccoli" wrong in cranium due to my drunkenly impaired brain. "Broccili"?. COME ON TIPSY JAYME. Sing-a-long sesh at wengel's where Zack sang us the best Brown Eyed Girl i've ever heard. Spent the night at wengel's. He's cool.

Saturday
Woke up. Took shower at wengel's. Chat bonded with Zack. He's cool. Walked to sadie's dorm where I went inside a dorm for the first time since I went to college in '76. Chilled out with one miss sadie and one miss kate richard...s. They didn't feed me (well), so I took out my anger on them by talking with them and laughing at them. Then I had to go to yojo rehearsal, so I pried the girls off me and bussed to my car, totally avoided that garage fee, and drove over to my bud vince's pad in silver spring. Rocked the poop out of yojo rehearsal. Pet his sweet dog. Went back to CP to chill until I went to Bmore to drink with Bob Manzo. Went back to wengel's where I decided that I didnt really want to go driving anywhere anymore, what with the shitty rainy weather there was outside, so I reluctantly called bob and said "sorry dog, im faking". So jake sauce, james and I hung for a bit at jake's pad where
MY BUTTON ON MY LEATHER JACKET FINALLY FELL OFF.
It was such a drastically sad moment in my life it definitely deserved an indent there. Now I'll need to find my spare button or find a new button entirely that doesn't look stupid...siiiiiigh. Anycrap, got some alkyhol, sang a lot of "Boys Are Back in Town", went to juliette's, drank and watched Stranger Than Fiction, A GREAT, GREAT MOVIE. Some people don't like this movie. To these people I say, "Seriously? What's wrong with you? Why? You know what, I don't care. Get the fuck out of whatever room we're standing in right now and don't answer my questions. We're not friends anymore." Emma Thompson was a beast, as per usual. (I'm so mad there is no abbreviation for "usual" that can be typed. Someone remedy this.) Watched the princess bride, obnoxiously quoted quotes/trivia at the screen. Went back to wengel's and spent the night there AGAIN. Cause he was still cool. And a Theresa was there! She was cool too.

Sunday
Man are you still reading this? Hopefully you just jumped down to Sunday and didn't read all of Friday/Saturday cause if you did GOD DAMN you are dedicated to me. We should probably hang out soon. But only after I give you a written exam to prove you read it all. We'll talk. ANYWAAAAAY...Woke up, went to work at cheesecake, had a stupendous double shift. Ate a stupendous crusted chicken romano on my green ticket. Ran into some stupendous drama with some curbside dick cause he didnt want what we gave him, he wanted something else. Dude, shutup, just take what we gave you, it's better anyway. Trust us. So then I got released like 10 minutes after the Super Bowl had started, so I drove over to The Winter's House (shoutout to The Winter's House!) for some super bowl shenanigans. And Bob was there! And we drank! So saturday night's fake session was remedied! The commercials pretty much blew. The pizza was off the chaaaaain but I was still so full from my romano I didn't get to eat any wings. That suuuuuucked. For as you must know, wings are pretty much my favorite food. So that one football team won, big whoop, then the beer pong happened and was super fun. Katie and I had a fun little discussion on how fun it is to lie to people. Which reminds me! I convinced a friend of mine at Cheesecake that I had been shot with a shotgun in the leg and that's why I hadn't seen her in so long. Haha, what a dummy. Being a sociopath/actor RULES! Team 3 Doors Down was revisited. "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" So eventually I (soberly) headed out for the night and watched the new episode of Glee, which was pretty meh, but at least there wasn't much Artie or Kurt. God I hate them. Especially Artie. Die Artie.

Monday
Nothing too serious, but I did go to my optometrist appointment where I encountered a lady of transcendental beauty who was flirting all over me. I was enjoying it. I don't know why she was so flirty, because my hair/facial scruff was pretty outlandish. But I ain't complaining. She is my true love. We will meet again. Also, these new contacts I got from my optometrist and I are in love, so we're going to be spending a lot of time together.

And that was my bender. Whew. That took forever. I had to take like 2 hours today to catch up to all the happenings on facebook over the weekend. God what a hard life I lead. And yes, in case you weren't keeping track, I got drunk every night of this weekend. What a fuckin champ I am.

And with that, I'd like to leave you with a quote from my good friend Kid Rock from his hit song, "Cowboy":

"No remorse for the sheriff, in his eye I ain't right
I'm gonna paint his town red, and paint his wife white HUH
Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus
Find West Coast pussy for my Detroit players"

Have a great week, you!
I know I will.

Braaaaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil

I am obsessed with Brazil right now.
The movie, the song, the animated short to accompany the song. Not so much the country, but definitely the movie and the song right now. Probably because I just watched the movie tonight (as per a request from one mister aaron bliden) and that damn song is just so catchy. I think I've looked up every single version of that song that has ever been recorded.

It is 3 am. Yikes! I have work at 11 tomorrow, so I should definitely have gone to bed already. But, alas, I did not. I also probably should have learned my daily 3 pages of Yojo lines like I said I was going to, but alas, I did not. So I'll just do 6 tomorrow. Ugh, I'm gonna hate that. Jayme no likey likey. (Little inside joke for all you other yojo actors out there!!! what whaaaaaat!)

Instead of learning my daily dose of lines, I played dragon age all freaking day today.

I wonder if talking to characters in the game is a suitable replacement for real life communications. All signs point to...yes. Sweet!

Now hopefully I'll just go straight to sleep now that I'm done with this bloggizzy and not fritter away any more time. Oh god, here's where I normally do a nostalgic Jayme's Old LJ quote, isn't it? Fuck. I ain't got time for that! I gotta sleep, people!

So instead, I'll leave you with a quote from the second greatest song ever, second only to brazil of course, trouble. from the music man. yes:
"They'll be trying out beebo, trying out quebabs, trying out tailormades like cigarette fiends!"

(Took me like 4 minutes to find and type that quote, all because when I used the word "fritter" in the above paragraph it reminded me of that part in the song when he goes "fritterin, fritterin, fritterin!" And that's exactly what I did with my time. Fritter.
Here's to fritterin'!

Lazy Tuesday

Well, Tuesday's over. Damn, seriously? I just realized exactly what time it is. Almost 1. Shit, man. I was gonna like...do stuff before this time. Oh well, I'm writing this entry, and that's what's important. I considered using the word "blogging" right then, but I hate that word, so I decided against it. From henceforth I shall still refer to this as my blog, but will refer to the act of writing an entry as "writing an entry".

And I said "henceforth" so that means it's official.

Something about that word "blogging" just sounds so...like, "super indie internet user with too many opinions" to me. And that's not what I'm trying to achieve, I'm just trying to write shit down so that I seem to have some sort of personal narrative and I don't base my reality on others' opinions. I actually realized this the other day. One reason why writing these entries is so satisfying is because I'm the type of person who judges who they are based on what people around them say to them/act towards them. And I know this is a terrible way to perceive the world, and I wish I could break free of it, but I think I'm stuck with it. So writing entries feels good because it gives me a chance to reflect upon myself and critique those who critique me, if that makes any sense...

Anycrap, over the past two days I've been making fun little voice memos on my phone about stuff that I wanted to mention in this here entry. So here they are, in the order they were recorded:


-The recording just said "go look up and write about that one line from that cake song about driving. You know the one." And it's true, I do know which one I mean, but still, that's a weirdly specific thing to want to write about. So I looked it up, and this is the line to which I was referring.

"No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force."

I don't know what it is about these lines, specifically the last two, that I like so much that I felt the need to point them out. I think it's "bowel shaking earthquakes". I love the imagery for that. One because it's just so evocative and two because its talking about bowels and don't those have to do with poop? haha, poop. Also, being "impaled" with "monster truck force" is also an awesome image. Brings to mind the image of a dude being run clean through with a big clunky sword.
Awesome. In general, Cake rocks my world. Great lines from a great song.


-A memo to myself telling me to learn the bass riff from "Another One Bites the Dust". I should do this. I have a bass guitar. I have the bare minimum skills necessary probably. It's a cool little riff that would be the second most fun thing to whip out at parties. Maybe I'll do it. Right after I finish learning the rest of "Fuck You" on the regular guitar.


-"An interesting relationship to explore...The relationship between a middle-aged male gay high school drama teacher and a young, talented girl high school drama student". I have no idea what this really means. I think I wanted to write them as characters in a movie or tv show or sketch or something. If I remember correctly this was a late night idea that I got from watching Summer Heights High. This idea is probably completely stolen from that show, actually. Whatever, mine will be better.

-Go watch "Trouble" from The Music Man. This needs no explanation. That song is hilarious. WITH A CAPITAL T AND THAT RHYMES WITH P AND THAT STANDS FOR POOL!

And the rest of them were ideas for sketches that I'm going to just enter into my log of sketch ideas, rather than put in my blog, just in case anybody reading this wants to steal my no doubt brilliant comedy gems.

I'll write more tomorrow, my pets, I promise. I just feel like this entry is getting a little long. And believe me, I'm well versed in the area of things being a little long. Emphasis on the little.

But more emphasis on the long.

Jayme's Old LJ Nostalgia Journey Quote of the Day!:

"Mid-May onwards will be like Space Camp (fun), except it'll be with friends instead of rockets ships, and with chick filet instead of zero gravity."

I have no idea what that means.

JAI HO!
(roughly translated: "I love curry and don't care who knows it!")