99 Problems but a bitch ain't one!

hey bloggy pie,

this happened today: I woke up at inc house after a long night of awesome partying and catching up. Last night was way more awesome than I thought it would be. It started out with drinking and eating with all my good buds from G-town. So we drank, ate, did TERRIBLY at trivia. Oh yeah, and when preeya (also good friend from gtown) showed up, doris had to leave and preeya took her place. It was really fun but the trivia made me realize that I have to work on my movie director knowledge. I really dropped the ball on that one. Like...I have to know old movies and shit too. hmm...not really looking forward to acquiring that knowledge. But, all in time, Jayme. All in time. Anyway, trivia was fun, friends were fun. It was the first time I had seen ayu in like...ever. A long ass time. Like...4 years? Yeah, probably 4 years. That's nuts.

Anyway, after that was over, went and drank with sketchup alum, which was fucking awesome. Then more showed up, and they were the ones I knew better, so that was even more fucking awesome. Then we went to inc house for rachel's b-day celebration (without rachel, sadly enough, because snow locked her in NY). But it was an awesome getting drunk and silly night full of dancing and catching up with all sorts of Inc and Sketchup peoples. There was honestly no other crowd I'd rather be with. I think I can mainly only have the maximum amount of fun with people who I find really funny. Because hanging out with them all just makes me feel really good about myself. I guess because I like them so much and think that they're so cool, and they like hanging out with me, ipso facto, I must be really cool. That's kind of sad that my self-worth comes from other people. I should work on that. Hm. Anyway, that's just the way it is. I thought I was going to be a stick in the mud all night because I was so tired/sick, but once I got some coke in me, I was set in party-mode, so I was very grateful for that. The last thing I would want is to be at a kick-ass party full of the funniest kids my age I know and to have no energy whatsoever. Ugggh that woulda sucked.

So I woke up and Sarah Aaron Matt and I went to bagel place and got bagels. That was good. Bagels are always good. Mmm for bagels. Then I drove home, ate some hummus and pita, and played call of duty black ops until I beat that mother fucker! And beat it I did, after lots of cursing and swearing. Then, I was talking on facebook for a bit before I went to the liquor store and bought myself some strongbow on my daddy's card. Yes, my sugar daddy. Then me and my parents drank and watched the original Wall Street, which was directed by Oliver Stone, who was one of the directors on the trivia night director quiz. And I really fail now because I can't remember which one of the films on that quiz he directed, so now I'm gonna have to look that shit up.
Uggggggh. I think I'm getting sleepy.

You know what's lame? I got on this blog with the intention of writing out my idea for a sketch/play that I've been meaning to write forever, but now that ive gotten on i have no desire to do it at all anymore. Now that I'm thinking about it, I shouldn't really write it in my blog to begin with, I should write it in a word document. So maybe that's what I'll do. It has to do with the world and history, you'll like it. You know what else is lame? Girls who lead guys on. That is lame, but on the plus side, I had a lot of confidence when this girl supposedly "rejected" me, so I'm still pretty confident that she's just playing some sort of hard to get game with me. Which, actually, I'm not very cool with. I am totally over games. I am under communication and being honest right now, so if this dumb bitch is gonna be all "ohhhh you're gonna have to persistently ask me out while i flirt with you forever until i eventually say yes and pretend i dont want tooooo" then fuck her.
I ain't into that kinda stuff. Too much work makes Jack a dull boy. A dull boy who's just gonna masturbate and have just as much if not more fun.

Well, this quickly turned into a rant about girls. They have been on my mind lately. Mainly because of some weird issues I've been having with a few of them. But that's another blog entry for another day when I'm feeling fresh to deaf.

One question to leave you, my questionable audience, and myself with:
"Where's the line between trying to improve yourself through life experience and between accepting yourself for who you are?"
Because I have no idea where that line is...
Not a sermon, just a thought. haha. fuck the radio.

Breaking the Habit, in reverse!

Okay, I realize that this has happened so many time that it has turned into comical absurdity. "But Jayme..." you start to ask, "...what the hell are you talking about?" you finish asking. I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'm talking about me constantly saying (to myself and in the first sentence of every blog post) "alright im gonna be writing in this a lot more often. SERIOUSLY. I'm gonna write in this thing like it's my JOB." and then like three months will go by with nothing posted. And then a post saying "Fuck. That didn't work. But seriously, this time is IT! BLOG CITY, BABY. POPULATION: ME." Lather, rinse, repeat.

So Seriously. This time will be different. Because I have to do lists now. I am structured and organized and I am getting into the mother fucking habit. And I'm going to start by writing my thoughts recently. I shall call it: "On Ambition"

"On Ambition"
So, the combination of me watching an interview with Colin Firth on Conan(?. Was it Conan? No. No it wasn't. It was Jimmy Fallon.), watching Scent of a Woman, (btw worst name for a movie EVER) and drinking, I came to some very weird conclusion. The Colin Firth thing led to me believe that I need to stop trying so hard. He doesn't try at ALL and he looks so relaxed all the time. Above all, I want to be relaxed and not come off as if I'm desperate or trying really hard to be funny or appear interesting. So I want to try less hard I guess? Not really. I don't know how to put it exactly.

The big thing I came to was from watching SOAW (pretty sure I'm the only person whose ever abbreviated it that way). I had a weird realization that maybe I'm trying too hard to become rich and famous too fast. That's always been my main goal, but if I just do that for the first ten years of my life, am I ever going to really live life and have a bunch of weird, bizarre, enriching experiences. You always hear celebrity actors, comedians in particular, talking about the shit jobs they had before they got famous or the weird places they went before they were famous. I came to this weird realization that maybe I should do what Kyra's gonna do and just hobo around for a few years. I mean, that sounds really weird, but I thought it was a good idea. Typing it out right now, it's not appealing to me as much anymore, but back then it was really appealing. I feel as if I'm constantly pushing and pushing and pushing myself to further my career as fast as possible that I'm not taking any time to relax and just let life happen. Because whatever happens, it's going to be good. But that mindset also scares the crap out of me because that's the kind of mindset that winds you up married with kids and a temp job that becomes your real job and before you know it, you're 50 and your life is gone. BAM. And that's the last thing I want. Except at least I'd be happy in that life.

A big thing I'm wrestling with is the fucking asshole idea that kurt put into my head a few months ago. "Do you want fame or artistic (comedic) fulfillment?". And at first I immediately answered "uh...fame. duh." But after thinking about it for more than 5 seconds, I realize that I would be happy just making people laugh every day. But my ultimate goal is the fame, because that's my attention whore side of myself going "YOU MUST BE RECOGNIZED" and I don't think I want that part of me to go away, stupid as it is, because it's the only drive I have pushing me towards a goal. Without a goal of stardom, I have no goal. And without a goal, I can't really function. I'm pretty sure I need goals. But there's something inside of me when it comes to goals that is super freaking into doing them as fast as possible. That might be the mortality complex that I have where I'm afraid of dying, even though of course it has to happen. So because I'm afraid of dying, I always feel like I have to achieve everything as soon as possible because I could die any second. I mean, not really, but kinda. You know what I mean, don't you interwebs?

Well I might expound a little bit upon this topic later (why am i a douchebag harvard professor right now) but I am hungover from last nights gallivanting and drinking last night. Mainly the drinking. I don't get gallivanting hangovers anymore.

Damn son! I just looked at what I wrote. That's a lot! Like...a butt-ton!
From now on my entries probably will not be like this unlike I have another weird life shaking realization. I'm just tryna journal my days from now on. Like my old LJ.
Also I just realized that I should make this bitch public asap because if I'm not writing for an audience this might be pointless. If I am writing for an audience my writing might also be funnier. Or more interesting. Or at least more audience friendly.

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Hey blog. Sup. I am going to write in you for the first time in a long time in an effort to get my writing chops back and to clear my head. I strongly considered not writing this entry in this blog and instead writing it in my other, secret, blog. But no. I am gonna stand up and write this entry in a public blog for all the world (or maybe no one at all) to read or not read. I believe that just by throwing my thoughts out there rather than posting them in a secret blog, it's some kind of act of bravery or some shit. So hopefully this blog thing will happen a lot more often. I have to become a better writer if I wanna make it as a comedian/actor/writer. It's necessary. I need to find my writer's "voice" as people say, so I will try to write an entry a day until I do that. God, I feel like I've written that sentence TONS of times in the past only to give up on it days later. But here it is again, and this time, I mean it.

TRIUMPHANT RETURRRRRRRN!
NOW.

Here are my vague thoughts about my life right now.
I am not happy. I do not know why. College has jaded me to the idea of love and I don't know how to try and regain some hope of it. Maybe not College, maybe just recently I've been feeling this way. Whether it's because of communications with girls or because I've been doing some undercover research (see: stalking) of one of my most crucial ex-girlfriends back in high school. I don't know what I want anymore, relationship-wise. I wonder if I'm incapable of loving anymore now that I've reached this point where I approach relationships with such a cold, hard, logic and rationale. Is this preventing me from opening up to people or am I just not actually feeling anything? Am I just under the impression that I am purposefully avoiding emotions or do I just actually not feel those emotions? Shouldn't love sweep you off your feet or whatever and toss logic out the window? I don't fucking know anymore. I'm tired of playing games but sometimes it seems like the only way. And I feel like I know how to manipulate the game pretty well now, so why not?

Hmm

Thoughts.

I wish I had a car again. When I have a car I feel independent and when I don't, I feel powerless, which sucks ass. It's obnoxious as hell having to share the car between both my dad and my brother. Ughhhhhhhh. I suppose things could be much worse. I could not have any car at all. Gr.

DSAFADSFDSFSDFDSFM
DSMSMF\
UKUKUKUKVVBDAQ

I just needed to type some shit real quick. Psychological...thing.
Well, I've thoroughly bored myself now. So that's all. I'm gonna go play some animal crossing or take a nap or some crap.

Probably not a nap, just drank a frap.
yummmm
ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPACHINOOOOOOOOO!

peace out playas

Quote of the day: "I caught a Snorlax!" - Ian

Necrophiliac

Heeeey! I get to write in my blog! Bout time!

So, right now I am backstage of the show The Dead, and if loving The Dead is wrong, then I must be a necrophiliac. Hence the title.

Alright, so I am really fucking tired. I have gotten exactly barely any sleep over the last 4 days and it is really starting to take it out of me Hopefully I will be rested and recovered after this weekend in time and have lots of time to go halloween shopping.

Halloween. What will I be for halloween? I've kicked a few ideas around. My strongest one so far is wearing an Ash Ketchum hat and a business suit and going as, "Ash Ketchum when he grows up and realizes that catching pokemon is not a viable source of income and so he gets a job at a local office complex." Meh. I like that one but I think I could do better. All these halloween parties! So many freaking halloween parties! There are a lot. Like...a lot.

Fudge. Gotta go. Maybe I'll write more later about this whole new "natural voice" thing that I'm discovering in voice 2.

YO IM'A FUCK YOU UP

Holy shit things are getting really sexual in The Holiday. Chick flicks ruuuuule! HOOO SHIT Cameron Diaz totaly just proposed sex to Jude Law. TAKE IT, JUDE. TAKE IT!

Anycrap, I'm feeling pretty lame tonight because it's a friday night and I can't really go out anywhere or do anything because I have to be up tomorrow morning pretty early and I don't wanna be sleepy as shit. So I'm sitting here watching tv and kind of starting my voice homework but probably about to start playing some WoW. I feel like I had something way interesting to talk about but now I've completely lost track of what I thought I was going to say...so...awesome.

This must be really fascinating for you, the reader. Woo

So, I'll write more later.

cooter

Bork Bork Bork!

Somehow opening my first blog post with the Swedish Chef just seems right.

Well this is it. The next evolution: a blog. Charmnader has evolved into blog.

I've hated the idea of a blog for a long long long long time but that was until I realized a couple months ago, "Oooooh. It's Xanga and Livejournal for grown-ups/people who think people are interested in their thoughts"

I am taking up this blog mainly as a vent for my thoughts. Because I have a lot of them and they need to go somewhere so here they go, into this magical piece of interweb technology.

I'M-A TYPE WHATEVA DA FUCK I WANT IN THIS HERE BLOG!

That sentence was going to be a well-written paragraph on how I'm going to try not to pander to any audience that may read this but I decided instead to go the Harvard route.

I am watching The Holiday right now and I am not hating it. I'll tell you that much.
Okay. Closing time. Another blog post to change topics? Sure.