Am I Really Blogging Again?

I SUFFER FROM PERFECTIONISM AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Today I catch up on all the bullshit I have been putting off for far too long.
I have to-do lists in my to-do lists and 30 bookmarks of shit to read and videos to watch and its time I take care of it. Should I freak out this much on my days off?! I don't think so. I need a creative release and I need improv and I need to perform. Most of all I just need to release myself from the prison that is my brain. But most of most of all I need this new job of mine to just fucking START ALREADY. I can't be creative without financial stability and I can't get financial stability until this job starts and as long as this job hasn't started I'm going to have free time. Free time that would be perfect to create in except that I DON'T HAVE ANY FINANCIAL STABILITY SO I CAN'T. Even now, I am writing this explosion of unruly, mind-vomit of thought that WAS going to be on facebook but then I decided that Facebook is not the appropriate medium for this. This is personal, mind-vomit. This is the brain ejaculating and exploding off all the crazy rambling shit it needs to get out before it will let me CALM DOWN AND JUST WATCH THE WEST WING. UGH! That's all I want, man. That's all. To have a nice day off where I can marathon a tv show without feeling like a big piece of SHIT.
And I can't let my mom see my facebook posts anymore. I can't. I just can't.
I need to create. I need to write. I need to draw. I need to act. I need to CREATE.
But not on a public forum. Not for people. Not for my mom.
She stresses me out.
I am fucking done.
I need to create.