Addicted To Girlfriends

Okay, so here's an amazing revelation that I had last sunday that made me knock up a few notches on the "life-satisfaction" scale.

The first step to recovery is acceptance, and I had a epiphany. My epiphany was that I had an addiction. A bad one. And I realized it the minute that I finally, after quite some time, stopped "withdrawing" from it.

I was addicted to relationships.

Not just relationships, but the whole state of being where one is constantly looking for a relationship. I was stuck in some sort of horrible "Gotta find a girlfriend because that's how my life will be rated in success!" mindset. It was bad.

I think this has been my mindset for at least 4 years. That's not to say that I regret anything I've done in these last 4 years, just to say that I was thinking under the influence of some weird shit. I was just sending out "guy who wants a girlfriend!" signals all over the place.

I realized this and it all clicked in my head. Back in high school, I had no worries at all about getting a girlfriend because I couldn't get one. But once I got a taste of that sweet sweet relationship drug, there was no getting me off it (Also I will henceforth refer to it as "relationship drug" since its not just boys who get it). Think about it: there are so many great things about being in a relationship, I think the main one that I was obsessed with being the constant companionship. Always someone to talk to, someone to tell you how awesome you are, someone to give you attention, someone to sleep by your side at night. These were the things that me, the attention whore that I am, was most likely affected by the greatest. I was soooooo hooked on having a girl in my life that would keep me organized and feed my ego.

and the withdrawal for this drug is just THE WORST. Not only does it last forever, but it seems like the only way to fully kick the habit is to go cold turkey. No "dabbling" seems to help, it only lets the habit cling to your brain like a tick. So I finally got to the point where I realized that I really am not looking for a relationship AT ALL WHATSOEVER on any level. I can finally, for once in a long time, stay focused on me and improving myself and learning about myself. Because without someone there to tell you how great you are, you damn sure better be telling yourself that. Otherwise the gap left in the ego is...well...noticeable.

But...um...I think I'm cured? Although I did fall in love with a random gorgeous spanish girl at cheesecake last week (And I mean, seriously like, LOVE, not just lust at first sight. It was different with her. YOU CAN JUST TELL, OKAY?!). But then she had a boyfriend and stiffed my friend on the check, so alas, the fates had fated otherwise.

But she is my soulmate

And we will be together

In this life or the next

Or in the trunk of my jeep

Depending on how fast I can google maps her house