An Exciting Week

Hey all! Lovely to be back. I would have been back sooner, but I didn't really want to be, so I didn't. SO SUCK ON THOSE ACORNS, WORLD.

I had an exciting week last week so I thought it would be the perfect time to do a little updatey poo. I was going to write all about it Saturday afternoons but then I started freaking out and having anxiety attacks, so I decided to put it on hold.
More on that later.

So firstly and firstmostly, I was so generously invited to attend an audition for a show that's being put up at The Actor's Gang directed by some fancy European man who I'm sure is a big-wig amongst the right people. But I didn't know him, so he will be referred to as David the Directing Frog. Now, this was a very generous thing for the Actors Gang to do, let us come audition for this show, seeing as in how we are all just a bunch of lowly actors in our first 8-week class with them, but I wasn't complaining. So I show up to audition for uproariously laugh-riot Restoration Comedy, and I walk into the theatre, and sitting on stage to audit me are 1. One of my teachers from my class 2. David the Directing Frog and 3. Tim Robbins. Now, Tim Robbins is one of the founders of the Actors Gang, and he just so happened to have sat in on a few of our classes, so he wasn't the biggest surprise. But, he is a big deal. This is Mr. Shawshank. So he still evokes a bit of "oh fuck I've got to act my best so he might take notice and take me under his wing or maybe cast me in something hahaha OH GOD PLEASE LOVE ME FAMOUS MAN." So I saunter up there, introduce myself, and stand back to get into my scene. I'm assigned my scene, and we're about to start, when I ask, "Oh, and who will I be reading with so I know who to look at?" and Tim raises his hand and says, "Me." Honestly, I didn't have time to freak out, but I freaked out plenty after the audition. But when he said that my brain just went "AHHHHHHHHHHH" for a fraction of a second, but then was over. And of course he was just having a lot of fun with the accents, because he's been there all day reading this shit. But I think it went well, I didn't feel terrible afterwards, so it was a good time. And now I can tell people I've acted with Tim Robbins. So that's fun.

Later that week, I headed out to a bar to meet up with my friend Emma, who had just turned 21. We started out at this place The Belmont Cafe where she assured me her friend Alex was going to "hook us up". Which apparently meant just telling us what things were good and saying hi to everybody he knew. Which was a lot of people, but usually when someone tells me that I'm going to be "hooked up", I expect free shit. Don't tell me you're hooking me up if you're not getting me free shit. But it was cool, because I made him pay with the promise of cash back later and TOTALLY didn't end up paying him back. HaHA! Take that, random stranger! To be real, he seemed like a sleazy douche, so I didn't feel too bad doing it. So we ended up barhopping down the Sunset strip, but before we left the Belmont Alex introduced us to his friend, a plumper, middle-aged man by the name of Kevin and his very tan girlfriend whose name I forget. Now, ordinarily I wouldn't have remembered Kevin's name either, but when we left the Belmont Alex turns to us and goes, "You know who that was? That's Chris Farley's brother. Kevin Farley." Needless to say, I had another freakout. I'd idolized Chris Farley for much of my young adult life, and seeing as in how he's dead now, seeing his brother is about the closest I can get to meeting him. It was pretty fucking cool. So when he came with us to the next bar, I knew I had to talk to him more. Unfortunately he didn't seem too interested in talking to me. He did however succeed in making me very uncomfortable at one point. He got into a conversation (somehow) with Emma about racing.
Emma: "I could beat you in a foot race."
K. Farley: "Yeah, probably. But I bet I could drink you under the table."
*beat*
K. Farley: (to me) "Because I'm an alcoholic."
*long, smile-covering-sadness smile right at me*
Jayme: "Hehehehehe...yeaaah. You are."

Needless to say, mega awkward. I still don't know whether he was kidding or not. He WAS drunk though, so I think that's a good case for "not". Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the dead brother apple. =(

WARNING: THERE ARE NO CELEBRITIES OR CELEBRITY BROTHERS IN THIS STORY.
WARNING: IT ALSO MIGHT NOT BE SO MUCH A STORY AS A COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS.
So I'm in this little one-act show at this local community theatre. It's called The Great and All Wet Water Balloon Battle. It's actually a ton of fun. All my co-actors are good actors too! It's been a good time. I play a rag-tag, war-crazy, hyper-aggressive little 12 year old who gets a lot of Braveheart-esque pre-war speeches. We actually go offstage and re-enter drenched in water too, and there's a lot of really good double-entendres with the word "wet" being used so often in the show, so I consider it a raging success! It opens this weekend and if you're reading this and you live in the United States, you should probably come see it. We can go drinking afterwards! It'll be great! We can pretend I'm getting paid to do it and that I'm a real working actor!

And finally, I'm going to Japan in mid-August to visit my cousins/visit Japan, so I'm crazy stoked for that! Granted, it's delaying my taking improv classes anywhere, but it's still going to be a one-in-a-lifetime thing, so it's going to rule. Plus I love traveling. And it'll be just me, my siblings, and my cousins. And at night, me Jordan and Roby are going to be hitting the clubs, so watch out all you Japanese nerdy dance robots, cause we're going to be dancing all up ons. If anyone's got any sweet suggestions for places or things to visit in Japan (KJ), please let me know. Also, teach me Japanese. Arigato.

Upcoming goals for the future: Write more, act more, take improv classes as soon as I get back from Japan, get a serving job so I can financially support all these things.

Once I get to a point where I'm self-reliant and have a savings account with at least some emergency dough in it, and I'm going out to auditions and taking comedy classes, I'll be living the dream and feeling easy, breezy, beautiful.
Covergirl.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyyy. Going to sleep.
OH GOD I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN THE CELEBRITIES AND THE JAPAN THAT I FORGOT THE BEST PART OF THE LAST WEEK. My new (old?) gfffl Emma and I are a thing!
Post about that coming up next! Too fucking late now.

THE TIME HAS COME THE WALRUS SAID.
TO GO TO FUCKING SLEEP.
Good night, moon!

A "Yes, And..." Man

A girl at my acting class tonight asked me something.
Before I say what she asked me, I should explain that at this acting class, we practice a very specific style (aptly named "The Style") wherein we exist in only 4 different emotional states on-stage. Happy, Angry, Sad, and Afraid. That's all. Now we've only had one class so far, but we've been working with those emotions A LOT, as you can probably imagine.
So, before our second class starts, she asks me, "What state is the most difficult for you?" to which I reply "Sadness" to which she followed up, "Which one is the easiest?" to which I reply "Afraid...I was a very scared little kid. Mainly because I had an older brother who loved to scare the crap out of me."

Cut to end of class. We've just spent an hour and a half doing an exercise we do nothing but move around the space in a way that is connected to the entire ensemble. Very "energy" based and "group-mindedness"-y. Now the first...hour, probably, of the exercise was a lot of trying to feel the group out and in general, sucking. But the last 15 minutes (at least, there was probably a good 15 minutes of mediocre stuff in the middle) was some really magical, connected stuff, where the group was coming together and trusting each other in ways that only friends who have known each other for years would trust each other. It was really cool. And it felt so...primal. There was chanting involved, and middle fingers towards the sky, and pounding on the ground. It got weird.
But afterwards I noticed that all these people that I barely know, people who I had really WANTED to get to know but couldn't bring myself to fluidly start conversations with (there was one 3 minute period during our break earlier that I found especially painful. I almost blurted out, "I'm so bad at making conversation! Hi, what do you guy do or where are you from or...tell me your story!" But I didn't, instead, I just kept looking up at these people, making eye contact, getting shy and looking away again in embarrassment because I had nothing to say. It was bad.) Well now I've lost the previous sentence, so here's the set-up to it again:...afterwards I noticed that all these people that I barely know, people who I had really WANTED to get to know but couldn't bring myself to fluidly start conversations with, I had this connection with them and suddenly they actually felt like friends I had but just didn't know anything about.

Now, this could easily go into a "Isn't theatre MAGICAL?!" or "The power of HUMAN CONNECTION in THEATRE", but it's not going to. Sorry, bucko, we're taking a detour.

Instead I'd like to talk about how much I (and maybe some others of you out there?) live in fear. Weird social fear that I don't understand. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But specifically and strongly around people I don't know yet.

Have you ever just finished something that you KNOW was amazing and you feel so proud of it and you're confidence peaks and you just feel like you are the best version of yourself? That's what I feel like everyone's "true self" is, to get douchey sounding for a second. It's that state where you just don't think about what you say before you say it because you know without a doubt it's the right thing to say, and if someone thinks otherwise, fuck them! That's just the way you are and those are the things your mouth and brain will produce! I feel like that's the only time when people are their real, deep down, true blue self. Now, some people live in this state all the time. Either because their confidence level is always fixed at an undeserved and irresponsibly high level or because they just don't think before they speak. Their mouth moves faster than their brain. And for some people, that's a great thing. But one of the reasons why I love alcohol is because I am one of those people whose brain is usually always planning and analyzing my speech before it is speechified, and alcohol really slows down that process and lets my mouth win the race. Which, while not always the best thing, certainly makes me feel like I'm being more "myself", without all the fears and social stigmas and imagined, fictional "awkwardness" tainting every sentence that comes out of my mouth.

More people should be nice. Anyone who judges somebody for breaking the ice and initiating conversation in a pleasant one should be shot. In the ass. With a gun. A big gun. It takes a lot of balls to be "that guy" or "that girl" who starts up a conversation with a stranger and asks them to open up while at the same time, courageously, opening up about themselves to them in an effort to get to know them.

To not shut down stupid ideas, even when you know they are stupid and awful, and instead just say, "Yes, and...". And for those of you who aren't familiar with this improv term, it basically just means that you take whatever idea the person just had, accept it immediately, and then build upon it. No denial. No judgement. Just take it, even if you think it sucks, and build upon it until you MAKE it good.

Man, this entry was a little all over the place. And I can definitely spot the spots where my brain was really trying to kick it into overdrive and produce some solid writing and the spots where my brain just flat-lined and my hands kept going with all the words.

I think the major point I wanted this to be about is: I want to be able to start conversations with strangers in my class without coming off as a weirdo. I want to be able to compliment girls (and guys!) in my class on something they did without anyone thinking that I am HITTING ON THEM. Jesus, that is really one of my biggest pet peeves and has evolved into one of my biggest social insecurities. I purposely sometimes act cold or will not compliment a member of the opposite sex specifically because I fear that she will think I'm hitting on her and tell people I'm a creeper.
I've just been the "people" girls tell that shit to too often. And every time I say, "Well, he might have just been trying to be nice to you." and it is too often met with, "No no no no no, you should have heard the way he SAID it." or "Maybe. But I don't know, he smiled way too much..."

This is a problem, people. Not just girls. Although I'm sorry I did go off on a little tirade on you at the end there...I just had to get that one off my chest because that's one of my hang-ups.
But seriously people, stop with all the judgement. We're all here and most of us just want to be nice to each other.

I just want to live in a world where I can tell people that I like the things that they do without coming off as disingenuous or a sleaze-ball.
Is that too much to ask?

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

World Peace 2012!

Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.

-Jayme's 2012 Miss America Speech

Won't You Take Me To...

Hey! I'm back! Sorry about that brief hiatus, I should have warned ya'll, Diablo III came out and my life was nothing but it for about...3 weeks. I'm still pretty hooked on it, but it's been a while since I've hopped on it, so I figured I'd better update while I'm not DEEP into it.

But it's not just D3 coming into my life alone that has resulted in my lack of updates.
No, this problem is far worse. And far less easy to pin down.

This problem is that lately I've been feeling like I hate writing. I mean, I probably don't really, but that's what I've been feeling a lot lately. I don't know what it is. But recently, I just haven't felt the need to express my thoughts to the world. I went on this website that has a comprehensive "Dream Dictionary" which analyzes the things you dream about and tells you what they might mean. According to it, I'm depressed. Which...might be true? Because I've been in a very strange non-pro-active funk lately. I don't feel like making people laugh. I don't feel like writing. I've been very anti-social. I don't know what it is exactly. I don't feel sad or anything, just tired all the time and very lethargic.

Typical Jayme that it takes depression to get me to write.
Typical Jayme writing a depression entry IMMEDIATELY after a "Life is gooood" entry.

I dreamed that I had a giant splinter that I pulled out of my hand and the dream interpretation of a splinter is "you're letting the little things in life bother you too much". Which is true, I'm doing some awesome things right now but for some reason it's not registering in my brain. I'm in a one-act play that's going to be a fun little show. I'm taking acting classes at The Actor's Gang, learning The Style, Commedia Del Arte archetypes, and emotional states, which is the most fun I've had in ages. And I shot an episode of this crime recreation show Fatal Encounters back in January that just aired last night. I watched it, and I had way more screen time than I thought I was going to have!

I have also recently stopped meditating, which might be part of the problem. Maybe it's about time to pick that shit back up again.

But my main concern with this funk is the main concern I have with EVERY funk. It's the fear that it is not a funk. It's just the new you. The new "adult" you. And he sucks. He's not funny. He's anti-social. He's tired all the time and does nothing beyond the average. Ugh, back to this mediocrity thing again?! Seriously? This is ridiculous.

I'm better than this. I have more self-control and discipline than this. I usually don't force myself to do things out of obligation if I can help it, but I'm going to start forcing myself back into meditation, exercise, and most importantly, writing. Because I feel like this whole "I can't write without social motivation!" thing I'm going through has to do with some weird "My writing's not worth reading." bullshit I'm going through. Fuck that.

It's just a funk. And I'm turning it around starting today. Because I can. Because this quote by Anna Freud (Sidmund Freud's daughter) sums it up pretty well: "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time." I've always liked that quote. I believe strongly in the power of strength and discipline from within. That's why I'm so jacked.

This entry took 2 weeks to start. Then it was saved as a draft three lines in. Then, a week later, it was finished.
It was supposed to be about how I can't write, specifically comedy sketches, without social motivation to do so.
It was going to be called "Writing On Writing", but after finishing it, that didn't seem like a correct title at all. I really liked that title too! It was perfectly in sync with my past entry, cleverly entitled "Meditations on Meditating".
Oh well. Maybe "Writing On Writing" will show up later.

So I'm going to wake up now and stop feeling so damn tired!

It's funny, because this all started when my friend Ann linked to my blog from her blog, and I thought, "Damn. My blog is not a funny blog at all. My blog is more like a swampy, messy dive into some kid's psyche." And I was all, "I should make my blog funnier! Write funny stuff for people who read it!". Now, this may or may not happen. I don't know! We'll see how I feel.

Off to meditate on writing on meditations on writing!

Nipple.

(Special thanks Joe for reminding me that people read my shit and that people notice when I go for too long without blogging.)

5-09-12

Hey everybody,

Just wanted to say a little something.

Life is gooood.

I just came to that conclusion.

Maybe it's my realization that things are nice and slow right now instead of 2 fast and 2 furious.

Maybe it's the sriracha I bought the other day and am putting on EVERYTHING.

Maybe it's because I just did a group job interview for an amazing new cafe the other day and am feeling really good
about it. It would be the best job ever. I want it. Ergo it will be mine.

Maybe it's because I'm more than likely about to go out to a gay club and get my drank on.

Maybe it's because Diablo III comes out next week.

Either way, I'm happy right now. Don't care why.

But honestly, it's probably the sriracha.

Wakka wakka wakka!

Ugh

Ugh I'm so tired of writing whiny entries. I feel like all I do is complain and spew out emotion.

I can't decide if it makes me more or less human to vent these emotions but I feel like a big whiny bag of crap who only blogs when he's depressed.

I also realize the irony that this post itself is a whiny blog post about whiny blog posts.

I just can't decide! I feel weird if I blog about my feelings and I feel weird if I don't.

I wish I had as much incentive to write stand-up material as I did to bitch about being insecure sometimes.

I feel like my posts have gotten really boring recently, too. There doesn't seem to be any incentive to entertain the reader. What say ye, reader? Are ye not entertained? If not by my skillful writing, then by my skillful truthiness?

Blarg, I say! Blarg!

Note to children: don't drink and blog.

Mediocrity

Panel 8 of this comic right here:

http://www.xkcd.com/1027/

...is my biggest fear.

And whenever I see my friends being talented it always pops up like an awful little friend.

Sometimes I worry I am not authentic.

Sometimes I worry that I am one of those people who is going to discover their "true calling" at age...like, 35.

There's no logical reason why I feel this way.

Well, I guess there is. It's mainly because I feel like I'm not as good or productive as some of my friends.

I've put them on a pedestal and for some reason can't get over it.

I don't know why I live my life so fast. Why I feel like I have to be working every second to make my life start.

I keep waiting for my life to finally start. I keep looking at this portion of my life as "chapters 5-10 of my autobiography that I write later on". Anyone else do this? Just me? Okay.

I don't know why I can't just be in the moment and enjoy where things are now.

I get worried that all the good ideas and funny things I hear in my head will never come out and will just remain trapped up there as "something to write down later". Or maybe all writers/comedians/actors feel this way at some point?

The problem is that I'm obsessed with taking "the right path" and I can't get it through my thick perfectionist skull that there is no "right path". Whatever path you choose to take is the right path for you.

It's difficult to relax when you know you should be working. And it's difficult to work when you want to relax so badly. Ugh it's such a Catch 22. Like the book.

Twist ending: I've been drinking!
Double twist: I'm not feeling bad right now! I'm never going to give up acting/comedizing in the world so I know it's going to happen for me someday. But I don't want to be a sell-out when it happens and I want it to happen sooner rather than later. And I want it to be BIG AND LOUD, not mediocre and soft. I don't want to be 45 years old and people are JUST starting to hear about me because I played a silly character in some movie starring a comedic actor half my age. Is that wrong? If I want that to happen I should probably start writing some of my comedy down. You know, maybe putting it into sketch or stand-up comedy form. I hear that's generally how comedians like to operate.

In all honesty, I don't know what I would do in life if it weren't acting or comedy, I'm just a little miffed right now because I'm not doing enough of either and it's making me antsy. All will be well.

Shout out to all my homies who got the Cats Don't Dance reference earlier. If you didn't, I'm sorry. You failed.

(Oh and today I sent out headshots/resumes to agencies (FINALLY) and auditioned for some Disney thing rather than work. Oh and interviewed for an AMAZING new cafe for a server position. Turns out the only thing they require is a bitching personality, which we all know I have, so I'm as good as in. Huzzah! Life is good but way bigger and way more gob-smacking than this Maryland boy was ready for. But now he is. So fuck you United States. You're next.)

5-06-12

Hey hey ya'll. Well I had a fun little weekend. I've had a lot of days off lately, and that's been awesome.

This weekend was a fun one. Starting with Friday I went to a callback for the fine folks at JG Wentworth (877-cash now!) for the role of Struggling Benchpresser. I just hope they don't think I'm too jacked for it.

Shut up.

It's a serious concern of mine.

But I met Jack Black and Russell Brand there, which was fun. Only later did I find out that they were not in fact Jack Black or Russell Brand, only mere impersonators. But they turned out to be cool chill broskis so we all exchanged information and friended each other on the facebooks. Networking networking networking, baby! I hate it because it forces me to be social with people I don't know. But I like it because it forces me to be social with people I don't know. I think Russell is going to get it. His benchpresser gym outfit was just too spot on. Plus he was super doofy looking, and I think that's what they wanted.

Then I went and recorded my first legit rap song. More on that later when we shoot the video for it...
But it was a major disappointment when I google'd the rap name I was going to go by (DJ Tanner (like from Full House)) and found out that there already is a well established dj in New York who already thought of this somewhat clever pun.
DAMN YOU DJ TANNER FROM FULL HOUSE FROM NEW YORK!
Sokay. I'll just have to think of a new one.

That night I went out to a bar in West Hollywood for the first time in a while for this girl Bri's bri-thday. Which was...well, pretty lackluster actually. Drank a PBR (I'm broke and can afford nothing else) and then just took silly pictures with my boys until we decided to leave. Went at Chic-Fil-A at one that was open til 3 AM. Whaaaat theeee fuuuuuuudge. It was a great late night treat.

Then Saturday I ate some breakfast at this cafe place that was called the Bungalow but we called The Bunghole. That was the most important part of Saturday. I worked as well, but twas quite boring!

Today I lazed and loafed and lounged the day away. It was great. Finished Summer Heights High. (Only eight episodes? Why hadn't I done this already?) And now I'm downloading a bunch of other shows now that I'll intend on finishing but probably never get around to. (Freaks and Geeks, Louie season 2, Spaced, and Life's Too Short) (Who am I kidding? Those shows are amazing (I hear), of course I'll finish them) (parentheses)

Exciting day tomorrow. Another audition, for a kid's tv interviewer guy, and a job interview for a serving position! And hopefully I'll finally send my headshots/resumes out to my friend's agencies as well.

Well I'm outties for the night.
Also I'll be taking suggestions for my new rap name. Preferably starting with the letter "DJ" or "MC" and preferably really stupid.

Night night my babies!